Strategic Leader Coaching

Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans – S4 E16: “The Aggravation of Psychological Safety in the Workplace” – Part 1

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 03 May 2022 17:30:00 +0000

“The Aggravation of Psychological Safety in the Workplace – Part 1” Brief Summary:

“How come your billables are so low, you need to get your billables up. This is their very first in-person meeting. Post pandemic. Why do you think the billables are low? You f***ing idiot! Like, are you stupid?”

Post-pandemic, when in the workplace do you feel there is psychological safety, or do you feel like your leaders have abandoned you and they are only concerned with the bottom line. In this Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans podcast episode, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo discuss psychological safety, and why it is essential in the workplace.

Summary:

Introduction
Workplace burnout
Humanizing leadership
Christopher shares stories about failing leadership practices
The 5 Behaviours of a Cohesive Team
Kyle shares a story about workplace culture

Calls to Action:

Even before the remote workforce evolution, office culture was inherently fragile. After all, it’s made up of imperfect humans interacting with other imperfect humans. And while perfection isn’t the goal, we all secretly wish for a workplace where people find ways to bring out the best in each other. Unfortunately, that’s not always an intuitive skill. It takes guidance, practice, and then more guidance and practice… but with the right leadership, it’s definitely achievable. How do you enhance your workforce’s ability to engage, collaborate, and adapt in this volatile and uncertain reality? Get the answers to your culture questions when you setup a complimentary Discovery Session with Kyle Kalloo at https://ChangeMyLifeCoaching.as.me/?appointmentType=14623413

Not loving your career? Feel you need a change in your job? Let’s Strategize! Book a complimentary Strategy Session with Christopher Lawrence here: https://ChangeMyLifeCoaching.as.me/?appointmentType=14044176

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“The Aggravation of Psychological Safety in the Workplace – Part 1” Transcript:

[00:00:00] How come your billables are so low, you need to get your billables up. This is their very first in-person meeting. Post pandemic. Why do you think the billables are low? You fucking idiot? Like, are you stupid? Is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action. Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans.

Each week, we give you real life stories and thought provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life through your own actions. From the heart of Calgary Canada. Here are your hosts. Award-winning coaches. Christopher Lawrence in Kyle Kalloo. Hello? Hello, and welcome to another inspiring week of it.

Our podcasts in perf inspired action for imperfect humans. Uh, Christopher and I are so excited to talk about today, but before we do that, let me just check in with Christopher, Christopher. [00:01:00] How’s your normal, we’re excited. You don’t know, you didn’t check in with me before. What makes you think I’m excited?

Actually, I’m not. Uh, checking in now I made an assumption there. I am. I feel, I feel, uh, sorry about that throat clearing there. Sorry about that. Uh, I feel tired and worried, honestly, worried or weary, worried in weary, weary and wary. Um, you know, our Kyle, I. We’ve been coaching a long time and we’ve coached thousands of people in one-on-one settings and we’ve coached over 10,000 people in group settings.

I’m watching what’s happening right now. You know, things are opening up where we are in the world. And basically we’re not really back to normal. I don’t know what [00:02:00] normal is anymore. Like, I don’t know. But I think, you know, people are moving forward with their lives, but they’re not moving forward with their lives.

Like people are still exhausted. Like in my personal practice, I am seeing more burnout now than I think I’ve ever seen. Like even during the pandemic, there’s more burnout now than there was. Um, during pandemic, I think people are just, you know, it’s like, um, you ever been in that situation, Kyle, where it’s like, you’re so stressed and pent up and working so hard and then you go on vacation and you get sick.

It’s like your body just kind of goes like, why. It’s interesting. You said that only because, you know, I was just going to say, when you said burned out, the trigger has been stressed. And I find a lot of my clients didn’t even recognize their stress. Right. Because they’ve done so [00:03:00] well at trying to move through it and is moving through it.

And, and we’ve also heard people say, cause I, I used to be that way where it took me two days. On a vacation to get, you know, to really kind of level down before it could start the captioning, you know, and some people said, oh, it takes me two to three days. And then you only have two, three days wherever you went and then you have to come back and they’re like, what’s the point?

Right. So I agree with you. Yeah, for sure. You know, Kyle, I think you hit the nail on the head there. I’m going to share a couple of stories and I’m mad I’m mad right now. Actually I’m angry. I’m angry with leadership. And girl. I love leadership, but come on, I going to tell you sometimes, like I got a comment before we get into that, I got a common amount of times and they said, you know, I know you guys are trying to help leadership, but it’s almost sounds like, you know, you’re ragging on them.

I’m sorry if you’re in leadership, I recognize that you are also a human being, but show your human side.

Sometimes. Listen, the leaders who do not want to improve or develop. I say, I agree. [00:04:00] I agree with you. I do. I agree with their comment. I do think we right on leadership. I’ve been called out for that before, not even just on this podcast. And I’m sorry if you’re in leadership, I recognize that you are also a human being, but show your.

Side, and then we’ll stop ragging on you when you come forward and say, I’m also struggling. I’ve made a mistake. I’m sorry. And you stop getting on your high horse and thinking that everything you do is right, just because you’re the leader. And you start to say, I don’t know if it’s right, but somebody’s got to make a decision.

And maybe the decision I’ve made was the wrong one. You recognize that your people are struggling just as hard as you are. Um, then I’ll stop ragging on you. Um, and, and I agree, like, I think, I think when people are faced with what they don’t want to hear, and this is the challenge, Kyle, that I think we often face in our style of coaching, which is that, um, leaders don’t want to be told that their shit stinks, but their shit stinks.

Absolutely. And here’s the other piece. I learned [00:05:00] this all leaders. I’m not saying that, but I would say less than half, I’d say less than a quarter are what I would. Good well-polished leaders who continue to do their own personal work. Absolutely. I remember something my mom said I usually use it when I’m faced with that type of scenario where someone says, you know, I’m ragging on leaders as well.

You know, my mom said, you know, I was, I was in my junior years of a leader and she said, it is your responsibility. As I was about to broach into leadership. She’s like, it’s your responsibility. She goes, you know, parents’ thing is to try to keep their PA their kids safe. And when they leave that. And they go to work.

It’s the leader’s responsibility to keep them safe. Like someone has to. And you notice you ever see a court case where it comes to labor laws and stuff like that. The judge always is heavier on the leader because they’re saying you ought to know. Right. It is your responsibility as a leader to make sure there’s fair practice and all that other stuff.

So that is why we tend to sometimes rag on it. [00:06:00] And again, we’re not just pulling this stuff because we’re just bashing meters. We’re actually trying to give you nuggets to actually make it way more human for you and way more effective for the people who you’re leading, because they want you to lead.

And one last thing I would say on this is that I find employees on the front lines and, you know, they’re way more forgiving. They’re way more forgiving a leader sometimes can just do one little thing and they’re going to be like, okay, great. That’s fine. That’s fantastic. Right. So I just think when an employee leaves, not, I don’t know about you and your work experience, but when you left a company, how many things went wrong?

Like there had to be so many things over the years, whatever had gone wrong before. You don’t leave at one thing, right? You don’t, you don’t. So, Kyle later today, we’re going to share a bit of an article written by Scott Zimmerman. Um, he’s the founder of adaptive edge. Um, we have no affiliation with Scott or adaptive edge.

I just think that, [00:07:00] uh, he has written this phenomenal article, which was actually in September of 2020. I still think it’s relevant today. It’s called you can’t fix what you can’t see. And that’s unreal. Dash leaders.com. Um, we’re, we’re going to share a bit of what he says. Cause I think he really gets to the, to the nuts and bolts of, um, I’ve kind of what’s going on.

I want to share a couple of stories just because I think stories can help validate people through shared experience. I’ve got a client right now, um, uh, who works in a law firm and this is a fairly decent sized law firm in Calgary. Um, and they’ll know who they are, but I won’t say who they are. Um, they are bleeding people right now.

They literally have lawyers just walking out the door.

Like they literally have lawyers just walking out the door. Sometimes Kyle, between two to five a week, they’re losing two to five associates a week. This is a top heavy organization where [00:08:00]most of the organization is. Are partners and a smaller amount associates. So, I mean, you can imagine how impossible it is to move that Titanic of a ship without having good protocol.

In any case, they’re struggling, their leadership is struggling. These, these are lawyers, they’re not leaders, and I’m not saying lawyers can’t be leaders. But what I’m saying is that they’re not trained as leaders. They’re trained as lawyers, and they’re doing nothing in the organization to really. Um, provide leadership and support for their associates.

I want to share this with you and our listeners, because this is the kind of bullshit that’s happening right now. And this is why I rag on leaders. And I know it’s not every leader and not every organization. Right. But, but here’s the thing. We literally, Kyle, in this, in this organization, they have their very first in-person.

[00:09:00] Meeting and, uh, with their associates and do you know, their, their partner said, what’s that? How come your billables are so low? You need to get your billables up. This is their very first in-person meeting post pandemic. Why do you think the billables are low? You fucking idiot. Like, are you stupid? Like you’re stupid.

Right. And, and is that so, so they’re focused on billables focused on billables, focused on billables and they’re bleeding people in there, like, Hmm. No connection there. Right. And so it’s like, I just. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. Like I understand, I understand why they’re focused on, on, on billables in this kind of thing.

But what I like, yes, you have to be, I mean, the billables approach, from my perspective, this is the way of the Dodo. It’s an archaic motivational system that doesn’t work [00:10:00] anymore. And I understand that. Are you serious? Like people are literally just coming out of this. They’re emotionally drained. They’re psychologically drained.

They’re burnt out because of their own circumstances and people are leaving. And your first comment is how come our billables are so low. Absolutely. And listen, I don’t want to take away anything from what you said, because that’s exactly it. And you started to talk about something. I’m just going to flip it and say the flip side for those who are listening and watching is saying, well, yeah, billables, you have to make money.

And no one is saying you don’t have to make money. No one is saying money is a dirty word. The question is. Path is the most effective, efficient way for you to take that is going to inspire people. Because if you’re just looking at it, transactionally only for that person in front of you, then it costs you more to retrain and onboard a new person to actually get them.

And you’re not going to get the best because you know, these types of people when you’re only focused on money, they’ll make money over here. But. [00:11:00] Lead money somewhere else. Those are people who won’t say anything when they’re like, I could have said something cause I could cost us money or I can take care of this equipment.

Or could you use this tool differently? Right. So we’re saying, yes, there’s ways you can make money. But if that is your first priority, what you’ve just done is you told your employees that they don’t matter what matters more. Is money at all costs. And there’s no psychological safety. You’ve destroyed the trust of your people.

When we look at, um, Patrick Lencioni and the five behaviors of a cohesive team, which is something that, um, we go into organizations, we assess in teams of eight and we can uncover, um, uh, trust is key. And without trust you literally have nothing. Kyle. Do you want him to talk just a little bit? Trust sits in that pyramid.

Without trust you literally have nothing.

Yeah. So when we take a look at the pyramid and depending we may put a little quick little copy on the show notes, uh, we’ll see what, uh, Shane can help us with, but [00:12:00] we’ll take a look at it. When you take a look at the pyramid on the bottom of is trust. And if you don’t have trust and I’m talking about vulnerability based trust, we’re not talking about, well, I trust you.

No, no. We’re talking about, I trust you enough that I’m going to share some of my stories with you. I trust you enough that I have. The problems engaging without feeling that you’re going to reprimand me or use it against me. That’s the trust we’re talking about. And when people have that, that go to the next level, which is there could engage into conflict, right.

They could have conversations with you without feeling. Absolutely right. Is where the behavior is productive. It’s not you going to retaliate or anything, right. People will make commitments. Um, I think. Yeah. And so after we do the conflict, then they, they could go to the third piece where it’s about commitment.

Right. They’re going to take commitment. I, I agree. And I think commitment, and then we go into results or accountability and results. Right. I want to focus on that, that [00:13:00] trust leading to productive conflict. I think the point is, is that right now, your teams, if you are a leader, listening to this, your teams are not.

Telling you what they need to tell you because there isn’t trust. Here’s, here’s an example of destroying psychological safety in an organization. I have another client works for a major company, major transportation company here in Canada. This company says. Uh, all mandates in our province are being lifted as of March 1st.

And everyone is back to work on March 1st. So no transition plan, no check on psychological safety, no check on those with immunocompromization. And they said, and by the way, there will never be a hybrid work environment in our office. And I just think to myself, I’m like, you’re going to bleed people during this labor shortage for the next 10 years, and you’re just going to throw money at it and yeah, money will [00:14:00] get people in the door, but it’s not going to keep them there.

Your system is archaic and you’ve destroyed the trust. Literally. Everybody came back. The entire company we’re talking, they have an office here that I think has maybe five or 10,000 people in it. And everybody was like, literally, they might as well have taken the door off the hinges because everyone was moving their computer equipment back in all of their office stuff.

You know, nearly two full years of being away and everyone’s back on the same day. So there’s no trust, like, like it’s like, and everyone’s like, uh, and, and the people in the company, Kyle don’t feel like they have a voice. They don’t feel like they can say anything because it’s so punitive that they’re just going to get fired.

And I’m like, I’m like shame on you, shame on you. And just in some context, is that the company, the organization, they were for over two years, they were able to do the job. Or is it predominantly when there, when there were, when restrictions were, were [00:15:00] lifted in, in their main province, they would send people back into the office for a few months at a time.

So usually I think they came back maybe once or twice during pandemic times, but it was very short-lived and a lot of people had options and they took more of a phased approach to it. Um, no, not now. And the thing is, is like, it’s not, I think the thing is that if you’re just looking at COVID research, which is, I think there’s good research.

I think there’s a lot of bad research in quotations, but I think the point is is that you’re like, well, this is what COVID is, and this is what the government mandate is. And so we shouldn’t be worried about it. And it’s like, I agree. I think that, that it’s okay for us to feel safer and more comfortable with the fact that.

In your lifetime, you’re probably going to contract a COVID virus, but that may not be where people’s psychological safety is.

In your lifetime, you’re probably going to contract a COVID virus and you’re probably going to get through it for most of us. Right. I think it’s okay that we do that, but that doesn’t mean that that’s where people’s psychological safety is. And so there was a complete disconnect and this is the shit that [00:16:00] burns my ass in organizations, Kyle, it burns my ass because they’re just doing what they’ve always done and they’re not understanding.

It’s like, well, why are people leaving? And then they see, well, you know, it’s. They take a sour grapes approach to it. And they’re like, they’re like, well, you know, maybe we need to cut some of this dead wood. Maybe we need to, you know, like, like it’s like trim the fat, like this is blah, blah, blah. So I think, yeah.

So I think what we’re trying to say is I do not believe in sounds like you agree. There is no back to normal. We have just gone through a pandemic. We’ve just gone through something catastrophic and everyone’s organization. All of these other things are quite unique. So I think what people really are doing out there is recreating their.

Right. They’re recreating their new norm and it’s going to be stressful. It’s going to be leading to burnout. And I think this is where employers and employees need to really align [00:17:00] better around. What does this look like? Um, before we hear some tips that maybe. Christopher. I wanted to say really quickly.

We have, I have a client who they’re in that commercial space, commercial brokerage space. And one of the things that they’re helping their clients to see is to redefine the workspace. Meaning they’re recognizing for some organization that the workspace is not just about doing work anymore. It’s about building culture.

So therefore they have their office set up where they’re saying, Hey, we get that. You’re going to talk, you know, at the, you know, coffee machine or the water cooler. But we want that because what is fundamental is culture, because culture will allow us to get through it from an hybrid method from in-person.

Right. And so I admire them, helping their clients see that there’s another way that they can connect. I a hundred percent agree with you. I think that, I do think that hybrid work environment really is the way of the future. I think that people do want [00:18:00] some time in the office and they want some time out of the office.

I think that we should be measuring productivity and deliverables rather than hours. Um, and I think that would solve a lot of this. Kyle. I think that we’re going to have to make this a two-parter because I really want to dive into. Um, from, uh, from Scott Zimmerman here in the article, you can’t fix what you can’t see.

So Kyle, if you could give people one thing to think about or do, um, leaders and employees, um, between now and next week’s podcast, one, we’re gonna really kind of read this message out. Yeah. I think the main thing for me is going back to some things that we often talk about is being really clear with what you want.

Right. So let’s not think about your boss is going to say no right away and blah, blah. Let’s just not think about how we’re going to do it. I just think for now, if you can just be really clear by saying, what does that, and literally plan it through in your head. Right. So [00:19:00] what if I do go back to the. How will I feel about it?

What if it’s a hybrid method?

What would I look about it? What are some things I want to be able to accomplish? Um, what if it’s a hybrid method? What if it’s completely stay at home and my set up for that, because that’s the other thing too. I think sometimes people don’t realize that they’re going to do either or make sure your space or environment mentally you’re set up for it.

So I’ll all I would say is until next week. Think about that. Just think about what is. We’ll help you next week to talk about how do you mean one approach that with your boss or leader or others? Maybe it could be. I agree with you, Kyle. And I think like wholeheartedly, that is where the first step is. I would word it in a different way, which is identify your needs, wants, and desires, and recognize that they’re all important for your life.

And you need to be specific with what you know today. It’s okay. If they change. It’s okay if you’re uncertain, but just with what you know today, what do you think those needs wants and desires [00:20:00] are during this time to create psychological safety? To make your, your work more enjoyable and make you fall in love with it all over again, and to move through some of the burnout.

Um, I think without doing that, you, you leave too much in the hands ear, in the passenger seat of your life and your career. If you’re not sitting down and identifying needs, And even include, like I said, your environment. So if you have a partner, if you have roommates, if you have like include those people, cause you may be gone home about it, but it may change what they do as well.

So I think it’s about communicating your needs, wants and desires to them as well. We’ll see you next week. It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your health. So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app.

Share us on your socials. You’ve heard from us. Now. We want to hear from you go to inspired action podcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action you took this [00:21:00] week? Next week on inspired action for imperfect humans. It is a losing strategy to attempt to succeed tomorrow with yesterday’s thinking and doing. Hello.

Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans – S4 E15: “Being a Bold Risk Taker Or Playing Small” – Part 2

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 26 Apr 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Listen here

“Being a Bold Risk Taker Or Playing Small” – Part 2 – Brief Summary:

“I included a check for $500 in an addressed envelope to the Westboro Baptist church…”

Are you a bold risk taker and ask for what you want, or do you play small? In this Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans podcast episode, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo tell stories of boldly taking risks and asking for what they want, sometimes succeeding, and sometimes failing… and what they learnt in the process.

Summary:

Introduction
Christopher tells his story of writing a check to the Westboro Baptist Church
Kyle tells his story of his time in elementary school and wanting to be a business leader
The YouTube Channel “Yes Theory”
8 reasons why risk takers are more successful

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“Being a Bold Risk Taker Or Playing Small” – Part 2 – Transcript:

[00:00:00] And I included a check for $500 in an addressed envelope to the Westboro Baptist church is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action. Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans. Each week, we give you real life stories and thought provoking research that inspires your soul to live a fulfilled life through your own actions.

From the heart of Calgary Canada. Here are your hosts. Award-winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence. And Kyle Kalloo hello? Hello? Hello? Hello. Hello, this is hello. Can you hear me? Can hear Christopher and Kyle with inspired action for imperfect humans, the podcast. Listen, uh, this is part two of. Our podcast today.

Absolutely. And we are, uh, gonna dive right in here, Kyle, we left off [00:01:00] with a very interesting story. Yeah. Um, about kind of shaking things up. mm-hmm and taking risk and asking for what you need and, and playing small. And so I’m gonna pick this up right now, cuz I know people are wondering, I wrote a check for $500 to the Westboro Baptist church.

Uh, crazy. What were you thinking? Three days ago. So this, if you don’t know these people, so if you’re a homophobic and a bigot, um, we know them and, um,

I wrote a check to the Westboro Baptist Church for $500.

you would like to, um, Get yourself, um, yeah, in, into a really scary bigoted cult, you should join the Westboro Baptist church. Um, and so I wrote a check to them for $500. Not because I want that, but what I’m doing is. Using a [00:02:00] commitment device. I needed to take a bigger risk in my life. So last two years have been really hard.

It’s been hard for business. We’ve there’s been, our industry has had an increase of 40% in terms of the number of coaches that have entered the field. We’ve been at this for 10 years. Um, and so, I mean, good. We need more coaches in the world. The challenge is, is that it. You know, for businesses that have been in that 10 year range.

And this is what the, the study that came out of the ICF showed was that businesses in that 10 year range struggled more in COVID than any of the other coaching businesses. So 10 plus years. And so we’re, we’re heading into 10 years in a couple months here. Mm-hmm so, so it’s super, super, super interesting, um, to, um, To go through this, uh, you know, this process of COVID and everything else.

Well, during this time, you know, I’m [00:03:00] I’m teaching a weight loss class. And meanwhile, when my co-facilitator is teaching, I’m turning my camera off and eating food. Right. So, so I, I put on some weight and I’m uncomfortable and I’ve got some health issues going on, mostly related to food. And so, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t get, I couldn’t shake it up for myself.

I couldn’t like, no matter what I do did I couldn’t get my behavior to change. So I used a commitment device. So what I did is I wrote a letter to, uh, a, a commitment letter to my mom and I, uh, signed it and I included a check for $500 in an addressed envelope to the Westboro Baptist church. And I sent that off to my mom and I said, uh, if I’m eating.

Off plan. And I will be honest about it. You need to send this check to the Westboro Baptist church. And I don’t hate the people in that church. I just think that they have different beliefs than me and, um, and I can’t support [00:04:00] their beliefs and I, I try to understand, but I don’t understand. Um, and so if I eat incorrectly, um, for, for the next period of I’m, uh, she will have to, you had to start an end date.

Right. You had a start and end date to say there was a start and end date on it. And so, so the thing is, is that I I’m on day three now. And let me tell you something, I have been eating clean. Right, right, right. I am, I I’m so committed. So, so like when we talk about like playing small and risk taking, that’s the risk that I chose to take.

And part of that involves me trusting myself. That I can actually do this and that, that money won’t go to the Westboro Baptist church. Yeah. Cause sometimes that whole piece around accountability, risk and reward, right? Like there’s, there’s a, there’s a wide combination of what that looks like, but what I really appreciate it not, but what I really do appreciate with that.

You know for you, [00:05:00] Christopher is you’re saying, listen, I really need to up the ante on myself. Right. I need to really make sure not only do I wanna hold myself accountable, but obviously, and I know your mom quite well, that, you know, you’ll be very Frank with her and she’s gonna also, although she’s your mother, she’s not gonna let you get away with it either.

Right. So that’s a great accountability, but that is gonna ask you the right question. Knows when you’re lying or telling you the truth. Right? Cuz of course all these years, she knows when you’re lying. So then she’ll be able to execute on that, even though I know your mother is gonna pain her to send that check off, but she will do it.

And that is what I, I appreciate about that. Right. And so good on you to get into that discomfort of saying, Hey. Although I’m discomfort right now. I’m actually gonna up the ante of discomfort by putting that out there, knowing that, you know, you want a meaningful life, you know, that was one of the things that we ended off the last podcast on.

Right. And so if you haven’t listened to the last podcast, you definit [00:06:00] need to go back to listen to it because we were talking about people are constant. Well, not constantly, but people out there feel that there’s some discomfort or they don’t want to be reject. Did or they’re getting in their own way in which allows them to think small.

70% of people who ask for a raise get something…

We heard Christopher sure. The stats that 70% of those people who ask for more money or money in general ends up getting something may not be the number, but gets something. And of course that lets you think about where in your life are you playing small, right? What is getting your way to tell your boss to be really clear about wanting that?

And sometimes you may have to act the part Christopher, last time ended our last podcast talking about my story around when I was younger, how and I had literally have it. On a report card, right? This is elementary. This is our primary school. I think that’s elementary over here, right in Canada. When we say elementary, we’re talking about grade school.

Right. Um, um, so yes. Yeah. So for, for me, [00:07:00] it depends on which province you’re in, but for us, primary school is basically like, like pre kindergarten. So it’s preschool and then kindergarten to grade eight in some provinces or kindergarten to grade UHS. Seven six and no six in some, uh, sorry. Grade six in some schools is, is elementary element.

And then, and then sometimes they go straight to high school, or sometimes you have junior high, high school depends on the province, but yeah. Yeah. So for us, it went up to eight as the elementary kind of school system. So I think it was, that was, that was me two in Saskatchewan. It was up to eight. Yeah.

Yeah. So the thing about was six or seven, I always got into class and I always wanted to be close to the teacher’s desk. Not because I wanted to be a teacher’s pet. Right. Because trust me, they’ll tell you I was never their pet . Um, but I always want to be close to the teacher’s desk. And the reason why is because we had those individual desks that had the, you know, from me, it opened up and you had a little desk inside to [00:08:00] put your books and stuff and you close it.

So anyway, I would always push my desk. Slowly and slowly, closer and closer to the teachers until it’s touching. And then my desk becomes their desk and meaning their desk becomes my desk and I start to spread out a little bit and a few teachers would be like, what’s happening here? Like put yourself on your desk.

Yeah. So why did you do that? Like, what was your, what was your motivation in your little brain? I just had this vision that I will grow up one day and I will have an, a big desk because I felt I’ll be an executive and I will have a big desk. I’ll be a business owner and I’ll be able to have a big desk because that meant I’ve made it.

And that’s growth. That’s. Development instead of this tiny little desk, I’d be able to spread out and have a big desk. And of course I saw those things in movies and there’s things about that. I really attracted to me. So I said, listen, I’m gonna play the part. Right. I’m gonna play the part. So I started.

To expand. And then I started to the person next to [00:09:00] me or beside me, or behind me became staff employees. You know, I had an assistant, you know, I was making air quotes to my assistant. Right. Making air quotes when you quote, so you’re pretending that this is your business. Totally. And then, and did you tell them, did you tell them that you.

Well, I, not that I told them that we’re in a business and they’re my employee. Right. And so, so these people are like, I’m the secretary. I’m a exactly. I’m the secretary. Right. Do, what’s funny about the story. So just, just before you continue on here, you know, what’s so funny about the story. When I met you at west jet with your friends group, when you were.

In your early sixties, those early young years,

whatever. When, when, when, when we met at WestJet yeah. You had something that you called caucus, and this was kind of like your own little secret society that you were the head of. You called of yourself, the chief chancellor. In fact, in some of your socials, [00:10:00] you still use still. Totally chief chancellor.

And so you were kind of like you were playing government, right? Like you had, um, you had, uh, well, when we dated you, you called me the first lady archive yeah, the right. And then the first, the other person before you were the former first lady. That’s right. Yeah. And so, and so we had this thing and even on one of the report cards, Christopher cuz was, my mom was like, what is this comment about?

And one of the teachers said, If Kyle will spend more time on his studies, instead of trying to run a business, he would be more successful right. In his classroom. And I just thought, could you imagine that teacher nurtured it? But what I was doing was I was playing big. I wasn’t playing small. I was playing big right or wrong.

People felt drawn to me, cause they wanted to be in the business. They wanted to be an employee.

It got me through, I felt motivated. People, me felt drawn to me cuz they wanted to be in the business. They wanted to be an employee. Right. They wanted to be a part of this. Right. And so what I’m saying, just to kind of conclude on this piece of it is saying, I have learned again and again, which is maybe [00:11:00] why I don’t think I’m rejection proof.

Cuz I do feel what I feel. I just don’t stay in that place, which is, I already started with a no, if I don’t ask already a no, I want the opportunity for that 50%. Yes. So I want the opportunity for it. So when I go to jobs, when I apply to jobs and I tell people I want a better role or bigger role or a bigger salary or a different role, it’s because I want the opportunity for a potential.

Yes. Right. And so, you know, I often say even to myself or to some of my clients dream big and then focus small. Right. There’s nothing wrong with saying, Hey, this is what it looks like back to what you said in the previous podcast is now I have a target when we clearly know what Rome looks like. It’s a hell of a lot easier to start planning and mapping out roads and alleys and, and ways to get into that.

You know, Kyle, it’s interesting because, um, one things that I’ve been really focused on, [00:12:00]um, in this, uh, in this last couple years, um, grow, growing up. Uh, particularly when I hit my early twenties, I experienced crippling anxiety, like full blown, panic attacks and anxiety attacks, like running to the hospital, thinking I was dying and all this stuff.

And so, so pan, you know, just, just due to some. Some, uh, you know, personal stuff that happens for me, my brain gets a little bit fixated and that kind of thing on certain things, um, uh, I have some mild obsessive, uh, tendencies and thoughts. And so what’s really interesting about this is that, is that so much of this around playing small and risk taking and asking for what you want boils down to one.

Problem, which is fear. And it’s interesting. I’ve been watching, um, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this YouTube channel, but you definitely need to check it out. It’s these guys on they’re called yes. Theory. Yes. Theory. Right, right. And they go and they challenge themselves with different things. Sometimes it’s a fear sometimes it’s just saying yes to [00:13:00] something that they wouldn’t, uh, normally say.

Too. Mm-hmm . And so they do all sorts of different experiences and I find it quite inspiring actually to kind of see some of the stuff they do, what they explore, not everyone will do what they do. I think sometimes people watch it and think they need to mimic what they’re doing. And I’m like, but what is the version of that in your own life?

Right. So, so, so I think it’s such an interesting thing as, as we learn to say yes to our ourselves, one of the things, you know, you and I both work with coaches and therapists as we need to, I think. Good coaches get coaches and, and take care of their own mental health. I think if you’re a coach who doesn’t have a coach, I think you’re it’s, I think it’s arrogance.

Um, and so I, I think that you have to seek coaching out and, and, um, and it’s interesting with, uh, with my coach, one of the things that comes out of our sessions is this. This conversation about what we call inner exclusion, where we’re saying no to ourselves before even asking. So a lot of this totally, and my life has to do with belonging right.

Where I belong. [00:14:00] Right. So, so Kyle, I just to kind of wrap up here, I thought I’d go through just a. A handful of things, um, that, that might inspire people to take a little bit more risk and ask for what they want. So this is stuff that’s like, you, you know, maybe it’s eight reasons why risk takers or those who ask for what they want.

Might be more likely to be successful. Um, one of the things that we should caveat it is just cuz you take a risk doesn’t mean there is no guarantee that it’s gonna work. You could take a hundred risks and only one of those risks will turn out. Well, we just don’t know and right. But what we do know is that if you take no risk, There’s no potential for, for success in your life.

Mm-hmm , you know, and Kyle, you mentioned this as a quote last week, which is discomfort is the price of admission, uh, to success. And so mm-hmm so let’s go through these eight things and then I think we’ll wrap up, so sure. So yeah. People who take risks. They tend to experience passion in the risk that they’re taking.

Purpose has staying power. Passion can come and go.

Right. And, and [00:15:00] I would even go further and say purpose because I think purpose has staying power. Passion can come and go. Uh, people who take risks tend to stand out. Right? So risk takers are bold. They, they gain knowledge. So you can all only learn things about yourself by going through it. This is where we talk about.

There is often no right answer for you in your life. You might just have to go try a few things on, we can mitigate the risk and get clarity to make educated, um, decisions. But there’s no guarantee that if you, you know, quit being an engineer to go become a medical doctor, that you’re gonna love it. Right.

Right. You know, we, we can, we can get clearer on it by spending time with doctors, whatever, um, uh, Uh, people who are in this are in the pursuit of success, whether it’s a success of that next raise, the next challenge in their job, whatever it is, they’re also not afraid of failure. I would actually disagree with this.

I think that, um, that, uh, um, risk takers [00:16:00] experience, just as much fear as everybody else. The difference is is that they have a relationship with facing their fear yes. And moving through it. But that doesn’t mean that they experience less fear. Right. Like I said, you know, like I feel experience rejection.

I just move through it, uh, a lot quicker because, uh, I know what’s there. Yeah, totally. They set a higher standard for themselves. I think if I could encourage people to set a higher standard for themselves, it’s not in something that’s extrinsic, it’s something that’s intrinsic. The higher standard is.

Actually first identifying what you want and need really spending some time on what you want and need and to asking for it and pursuing it. That’s the higher standard. It’s not, it’s not something external to you. It’s internal to you. Uh, and of course we come back to learning all the way through, right.

And actually, Kyle, you, and [00:17:00] I can say this, um, you know, just as many as all of the other entrepreneurs out there during COVID, um, our best learnings have come through our failures. Absolutely. Yeah. Can I summarize just before we, we, we head out here. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So I was at an event and a keynote speaker.

There was Dr. Susan David, and I just wanna summarize the three main points here. And one thing that, a couple things that she said, innovation holds the hands with failure. Right. Inclusion holds hands with potential disagreement and collaboration hold hands with conflict. Right. So sometimes we’re saying those things to get to the other side, you sometimes have to walk through that, right?

It’s like, we’ve heard the expression before you can’t appreciate light without have gone through darkness. Right? So we’re saying if, if you want those other things for yourself, be okay to move through that. Speaking of moving through that. If you want to chat with us a little bit further more about that, or if you’re just not clear, reach out to us, we’ll be more than happy to have a conversation.

We’ll see you [00:18:00] next week. Take care. It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help. So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share us on your socials. You’ve heard from us. Now we wanna hear from you go to inspired action podcast dot.

CA and tell us, what is the inspired action you took this week? Next week? Uninspired action for imperfect humans. How come your billables are so low? You need to get your billables up. This is their very first in-person meeting post pandemic. Why do you think the billables are low youth fucking idiot?

Like, are you stupid?

Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans – S4 E14: “Being a Bold Risk Taker or Playing Small” – Part 1

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 19 Apr 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Listen here

“Being a Bold Risk Taker or Playing Small” – Part 1 – Brief Summary:

“When a leader hears you want to be challenged without definition or specificity, it says to them you want more work. You need to be clearer with what you actually want and desire.”

Are you a bold risk taker and ask for what you want, or do you play small? In this Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans podcast episode, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo discuss asking for what you want, and why it’s very important to be clear and know what you want before you ask for it.

Summary:

Introduction
“Rejection Proof” by Jia Jiang
Being clear on what you actually want
Needs and why relationships need to be renegotiated.
Asking for what you want
What playing small looks like

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“Being a Bold Risk Taker or Playing Small” – Part 1 – Transcript:

[00:00:00] And the other thing too, is when we talk about challenge and I’ll tell you from my experience, when a leader hears you want to be challenged without definition or a specificity, or you being really clear on it, it says to them you want more work is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action.

Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans. Each week, we give you real life stories and thought provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life through your own actions from the heart of Calgary Canada. Here are your hosts award winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo

well, hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Good morning. Good evening. Good afternoon, everyone. And anybody listening? Welcome to another excited week of inspired. For imperfect humans. Uh, speaking of imperfect humans I have with me, Christopher Lawrence, that is telling me. And guest speaker. Yeah. [00:01:00] I just didn’t know how to segue you into, into produce.

I figured I could get full introduction. Would it work? Just saying a simple introduction would work? Oh, man. Oh, what a week, what a week, what a week we’ve been having so many great things. So many, you know, trials and tribulations there’s so much is happening. And I think, you know, what I was thinking about as I was thinking about what we want to do for today’s podcast is there’s so much going on and you just never know what’s happening for people.

Right. There’s so much going on in life. As you know, I recently got back from Toronto and spending some time with some family and of course there’s family drama, there’s family things. Right. There’s you know, we started. Kind of got talking about life, about work, about relationships. And what I recognize is it’s busy, maybe not productive for people, but we’re all busy in our mind.

We’re busy mentally we’re busy emotionally. And then, you know, a cousin of mine was talking about. You know [00:02:00] something about, you know, they were saying that, you know, I admire people who can just go and ask for what they want and just tell people what they need. And of course you and I have had these conversations privately before you know about, you know, why do some do it and some don’t right.

And I’ve often said to you, you know, in my senior leadership roles, a lot of times people are not clear with me about what they want and that they leave it to me to decide they don’t always like to, you know, um, Uh, the outcome. Right. And so I think about it and I’m thinking. How many times have you actually asked for what you need?

How many times have you actually, you know, said yeah, just in your own. Yeah. I mean, how many T I don’t know exactly. 7,352. I don’t know. Um, sometimes I wish you asked better questions. Like, how are you even in this. No, I’m just kidding. I it’s interesting, actually, as you’re talking, I’m reminded of this [00:03:00] book that I found.

Absolutely. Life-changing um, and it was called. Um, oh my God. Oh yeah, there we go. Took me a second. Uh, rejection proof by Jia Jiang. So JIA, J I a N G a. He has a Ted talk too, but it’s worth reading his book. It’s very inspirational. He, he talks about growing up in an Asian culture where rejection is a form of shame.

And so when we are rejected by hearing a no, we can experience shame. And I found it to be so powerful because I think even for myself, it’s like, you know, you ask the question is how many times? And I would say. For me, not enough, but I’m better than I was before. Right. That would be, you know, how many times have I asked for what I really want or need?

And, and I would say not enough, but I’m better than I was before. Like before though, since you [00:04:00] said that better than what, what was it, what was getting in your way? Like what was happening while you. So I think I, if, actually I could say with certainty, there were two things. Um, maybe, maybe three. I dunno. I I’ll talk it out for a second here.

I think the first thing is that people are often not clear on what they actually want. Um, and, and I could certainly say that I was in that position, right. It’s like, I’m not clear on what I actually want. And I think that that sort of decision making paralysis is the first problem to taking risk. Um, and I th I think so often we’re looking for the right answer, but.

I don’t think people understand there is no right answer for your life period. Conversation over, over there is no right answer. It’s about making a choice and then determining. I think it was you that said this to me, Kyle, but I think you got it from someone in your family who [00:05:00] probably got it from someone else, but, but it’s like sometimes we make the right decision and sometimes we make the decision.

There is no right answer for your life period.

Right. And so I think that’s the first piece is that if, if we are not clear in my own life, you know, that was it. It was just like, it’s just like, well, I don’t know if I want this or this, and then we don’t make any decision. And we don’t know. And do you think sometimes even if they, the reason why sometimes they’re not clear is there’s sometimes I think people just feel, I know what I’m, what I’m experiencing right now isn’t working.

And so they may not know, but they just know what they’re currently experiencing is not working, which further. Yes, we need to be clear, but I think sometimes that’s that rub right where we feel. I just want something different, but sometimes they’re not even clear with that to say, listen, I don’t know what the right answer is.

I don’t know what the decision is. I just know what I’m currently experiencing. Isn’t working, which requires some expert that’s. I think that we are in, we, we sort of live here in, in Canada and I don’t know if there’s other places like [00:06:00] this. Maybe it’s not just Canada. Um, and it’s not everybody in Canada, but, but I think there’s a vast majority of people who are afraid of hearing.

No. And, um, man, I’m going to tell a story right now. So I’ve owned three vehicles in my life. And so I’m on my third vehicle now. I like to hang on to them for a long time, although not super long, cause I’ve had three and I’m in my early forties and, and, uh, and so it’s interesting because I went through and I negotiated for, I I’ve owned two Toyota Yaris’, so I got one and then I learned a few things about what I really wanted and, and then I got another one and it was actually pretty, um, You know, there, there are pretty baseline car, right?

Like it’s a compact car. It’s, it’s, you know, a two door with a hatch or a four-door with a hatch. Um, and, [00:07:00] and so it’s a pretty basic car, right? Like, like, you know, at the time that I bought them, there wasn’t even an option to put heated seats in it kind of idea. Right. So. So it’s like, you go through this whole process, you, you get your monthly payment and, and it is what it is.

Right. And then, you know, and I’m sitting here and it’s just like, you know, kind of, kind of like nervous to ask for what you want and cut the deal you want. And you know, all I’m thinking about is the bottom line. What’s the impact to my monthly budget, right? Like that’s, that’s that place of scarcity. And then I meet this guy here, Kyle.

Uh, no. And then we go, I’m looking for a new vehicle, cause mine’s kind of just becoming just unreliable enough that, you know, being an entrepreneur, it doesn’t make sense to keep it. And so I say to Kyle, will you help me negotiate my car? This is a guy. Okay. [00:08:00] Kyle being the co-host on the show, just in case you forgot his name.

Cause I do all the time. His really not memorable. Uh, he. I bring him in to negotiate because this is this guy’s like a master negotiator. And one of the things that I learned from Kyle is like, you can’t be afraid to walk away from something if you don’t want it. Right. So it’s like, you might spend two, three hours negotiating something, but if it doesn’t get where you want, you have to be okay with walking away.

And so I’m like, okay, we’re going to do this. So we go in and we’re negotiating for a different vehicle now. A Nissan kicks. So not like, you know, still not a top of the line vehicle, but a really cool looking crossover, right? Like a man to color, like, you know, I wanted some extra features and whatever else.

And we go in there, Kyle, and you. We’re like, like you’re taking this conversation in places I didn’t think were going. You’re talking about like last year’s [00:09:00] model, you’re talking about next year’s model year. You’re going all around and I’m like, I don’t want that vehicle. You’re like, I know it doesn’t matter.

He said, this is just what we have to do. And so you go in and then you’re like, eh, and. And then they’re like, we’re getting close to the end of the deal. Right? So like, Kyle’s like a master with this. He’s just like massaging the whole thing. Right. He’s just asking for what I want. Right. He’s just asking.

And he’s even asking for more than what I want. He’s like, this is a feature that you need Christopher. And I’m like, I don’t need that. He’s like, we’re going to ask anyway. Right. So I started to open my mouth. Kyle kindly puts his hand on my leg under the table, which means please shut up. And so I’m like, I’m like, I need to go for a walk, come back.

We’re negotiating for a different vehicle now.

And, and so we’re the old guy had a sad look on his face cause he really felt he had an ally in. You were easier to deal with right away. I was like, perfect. Totally. So, so then. [00:10:00] I come back and, you know, we’re getting close to closing the steel and they’re like, and oh, by the way, Friel free oil changes for life.

And cause like, what’s that worth? They’re like $2,500. Cause like great. Put it on the principle of the vehicle. We don’t want free oil changes. And I was like, what a brilliant move, because you’re not paying. The amount then. Right. And, and, you know, I’m just not in the position that I can pay for a car in cash.

Right. So, so I was like, wow, this is, this is brilliant. Like, like who would have thought of that. Right. But it’s just interesting because Kyle, when you look at like risk-taking and rejection, it’s very different for you. You’re always thinking about leverage. You’re not afraid to hear the word. No. And I learned a lot from that.

So, uh, you know, I test the waters a little bit, like when I’m in a restaurant and they don’t have something on the menu, I want. Could you make this instead? And it’s like, they might say no. And it’s like, okay, great. Like, what’s the big deal. If they say, no, I don’t need to feel embarrassed because somebody said, no, I also don’t need to feel their awkwardness because a [00:11:00] lot of people are uncomfortable just being asked and it becomes awkward and it’s was like, I don’t need to feel their awkwardness.

It’s not mine. I just need to know what I want and ask. I learned a lot from that. Yeah, no, I appreciate that. And you know, and the, in between that story, I appreciate that girl, because one of the things I forgot to say is that what I was paying for this baseline Toyota, Yaris is almost the same as what I’m paying for this, like souped up Nissan kicks.

And I’m like, did, it was like $20 more a month or something, which really like, like when you look at the value difference, it was like, what that. Fudge you had. Now we did walk away from a couple of places before we went to Nisa. We walked away, we walked toward Toyota. We walked away from Ford, like we did walk away.

Um, and here’s the thing I think sometimes. And I appreciate you saying that story only because I think, you know, people usually get stuck. They feel, I invested all this time and I might as well. And here’s the sales guy in their relationships to totally. [00:12:00] You’ve invested the time. So they feel like they it’s like, oh, so we’re just throwing 20 years away.

And it’s like, hang on a second. You weren’t even the same person 20 years ago. Your needs are different now. Exactly. And if you cannot renegotiate that relationship, then something has to come to an end. Right? If not your. Earned every single cent of that misery that you may experience. Right? Cause it, it gets, you know, if you’re not renegotiating.

In any relationship, there has to be some components of renegotiation.

And we’ve said that before, right. Is relationship and other things, any relationship, there has to be some components of renegotiation. So when we come back to the whole. Rejection thing. I think a lot of people, you know, I want to hear those other two reasons that you had in mind, because the first one you said was that, you know, people don’t know what they want.

Right. Why they don’t ask for what they need is they don’t know what they want. And I think if you truly not just needs, if I could just say, we talk about like, there’s this big differentiation between, was it something you need or something you want? And I think that’s an important distinction when we’re looking at.

[00:13:00] You only have $500 in your account, and you’re thinking about, you know, buying a chocolate bar versus a salad. And it’s like, I think that that’s a really important choice. Um, but I think in our lives, you know, most of us, most of the people listening to this podcast are probably comfortable in a way like, even, even people in poverty, not, I’m not talking to people living in the street, but there’s still a level of comfort in poverty now that there wasn’t 200 years.

And I’m not minimizing the horrendous psychological impact that that living in poverty can have. What I’m saying is people are comfortable more comfortable now than they were before. Yeah. And I think it’s really clear for you for us too. And we’ve, we’ve spoken about this reflection piece of. Taking a moment and say, okay, what is this for me?

Is it a need? Is it a want? What, what, how, how is this gonna fulfill either a value for me or something I want in my life or something. I just want to test out the water, whatever the case may be, get really clear because [00:14:00] here’s the thing. If you’re not clear, How is the other person going to be clear to give it to you or to consider it or to, you know, put a top of mind for you.

So if you already know, you’re experiencing a situation where you’re just in it and you just want something different than explore the different, what is different about it? What else is there? Right? Is it more money? Is it a new position? Is it, you know, a different thing in a relationship back to the statistics around people who have.

Ask for races. People who ask for raises greater than 70% get at least something, right. They might not get what they asked for, but they usually get something. Right. So I think it’s important about like really understanding what you want and what you need. And what’s going to add value to your life. And asking for it.

And sometimes it won’t come in the form of a raise, but maybe it’s additional time off. Maybe it’s education. Maybe it’s a flexible work schedule, right? Like, like whatever it is. It’s like, I, you know, one time I [00:15:00] was, I went to my leader and this is such a problem. When you go in and you don’t know what you want, like Kyle, you and I both experienced this.

Whereas like somebody comes in and says, You know what I have too much work. And so you just start taking stuff away or, but it might be the stuff they like, or they say, I want more meaningful work. And what you get is more work. And I think it’s really important to be more specific about what you want and asking for it.

I walked into my leader once and I said, um, I’m not really feeling fulfilled here. He says, you know what, Christopher, we’re going to take care of this. And within two weeks I got a raise and. I honestly was so disappointed in my life. I was so disappointed in my life, uh, after getting the raise because I got the rice and I’m like, I don’t want more money.

And it’s like, well, what did I want? It’s like, well, I wanted an opportunity to be challenged. I wanted an opportunity to grow. I wanted, you know, like, but it’s. Grow in what way? Be challenged. In what way? Like I needed to spend some time and identify that. I think [00:16:00] so often we displace it. Like we put the blame on our leaders and, and it’s like, but you need to identify what you want and it’s not your leader’s responsibility to figure it out for you.

Right. And it’s so easy to place it on your leader because then what happens? Well, then it’s their fault. If it doesn’t work out. Exactly. And the other thing too, is when we talk about challenge and I’ll tell you from my experience, when a leader hears you want to be challenged without definition or a specificity, or are you being really clear on it?

I wanted an opportunity to be challenged.

It says to them you want more work and that may not be more work. You may want meat. We know you want meaningful. Right. Something that may be test is your mastery. Something that allows you to be autonomous, something that really allows you to step into it for it to be meaningful, right? So you have to be really kind of clear and you’re just starting the conversation.

And we get that. There’s probably some discomfort. I heard an interesting line the other day from Dr. Susan David, and she said something along the line that says discomfort is the price of [00:17:00]admission to a meaningful. Right. And so when we look back at some of the things that we may start as discomfort, having that awkward conversation with our partners, having that awkward conversation with your boss, even worse, having that awkward conversation with your colleagues, because sometimes we feel I’m not their boss.

I don’t want to think that I’m the boss I don’t want to, but you just want to let them know the things they’re doing is actually causing stress to you. Right. And so here’s the thing I want to share with you. An interesting story, Christopher, before we kind of go on. Because as you know, I was recently in Toronto doing some family stuff and I was having a conversation on a long drive with my mom.

And, you know, I come from the Caribbean Jamaica specifically. I was born there until I was about six, seven before. Um, we migrated into Canada. However, my mother. You know, which is those people who know me know, I have a very strong relationship at the time with my grandmother, because for the first six, seven years, my grandmother was the one who raised me.

Right. So all the other kids, which is my aunts and uncles were [00:18:00] calling her mama. So I felt I had to call her that too. Cause I was a first grandchild. You know, everyone else was quite young, similar to. And my mother left. Right. And left me with them now in the Caribbean for, I think from some other countries as well.

It’s not just your mom and dad who raised you, it’s your family, right? It’s a community of people who raise you. So I didn’t feel like where’s my mom, where’s my mom. Right. I just knew I was getting warmth. I was getting fed. I, I felt psychologically safe, you know, so I had no issues there. So I said to my mom, Why did you do it?

Like, like what would you know for you to take? And you were the first person in the family to take yourself and go to Canada, right. To foreign. You left me behind to come to like, why, why did you do that? And like, how does that happen? And she said, I saw how my life was going to be played out. I saw from my cousins, I saw from my aunts and uncles, I saw how, you know, it was that cycle that was going to play out there.

Wasn’t a lot of options. [00:19:00] So she said to herself, she had to go get it. She had to do this job, saved her money, buy herself a plane ticket to get to Canada, to explore what was possible. So can you imagine that level of discomfort? She said I had no idea. Right? She was so nervous and so excited and so terrified.

You know what happened? She went to the airport four hours, Christopher early, and guess what happened? She missed the flight. She was so nervous and she was so anxious that she was in the airport. They paged her, but she was just so in a zone that she actually missed the flight. Right. You’re muted there, I think.

Um, and so, yeah, so, but she just knew how to do something. I still can’t hear you. I think your other mute is happening. Want me to hear what is going on in here with my technology? It’s not my [00:20:00] technology. It’s me. I, um, you know, Kyle, it’s interesting. I can’t share that experience. I think that people who, who leave.

You know, and I’m not talking, going from a first world nation to another first world nation. When you have the luxury of living in a nice warm home, moving to a nice warm home. Like I’m talking about people who leave in poverty, impoverished areas, or third world countries, or, or whatever, to move to a first world country.

And you’re like, you’re, you’re literally giving up your. Like you’re giving up your life to go seek another life and she had to leave you behind. I can’t share that experience, but a similar shared experience was, um, I’m a very anxious flyer. In fact, I haven’t been on a plane in 10 years and girl, we’re going to fix that and we’re going to hold some social accountability on this podcast.

I’m a very anxious flyer.

Um, uh, but there was a time that I went to the airport. I was flying. I was so nervous that, you know, when you, you go through security and you put your stuff in the bin and you grab your stuff, Ah, girl, I forgot about [00:21:00] one whole bin and I walked away. Oh man. I thought you were going to talk about when you went and you put your slippers in the bin because I forget that.

No, I didn’t. I wasn’t at security, but there was another time where I was so scared and so nervous that I went to the airport and my slippers.

We were at the airport and I’m getting out. Like, I don’t remember putting my shoes on me, mind you. I’m not even looking at my feet. We step out and I’m like, oh no, I’m in my slippers. And we had to drive all the way home and rush back. It was, it was just like, Ugh, God, it was like such a horrendous experience.

But, but, um, kinda like I thought maybe we could finish this episode. We’re going to do a second episode on this because I think there’s a lot more to talk about here around fear and risk-taking and playing. Versus playing big. I’d like to finish here on just a couple of points on what playing small might look like so that you, our listeners can maybe flag yourself and say, is there an area that I’m playing [00:22:00] small?

I don’t think that these are things that will apply to everybody, but I think they’re just really important things that, that you could pay attention to. So your imperfect inspired action this week is to. Check yourself and say, is there an area that I’m just playing a little bit too small? Is there an area I’m playing too small?

So, so here’s some things that you might look for. You might feel like you’re not living up to your potential. That could be in a specific area of your life or many areas of your life. W people run into this with entrepreneurship. I will say that if you have the entrepreneurial itch and you want to have your own business, you should at least give it a try, whether you do it full-time or part-time.

The side of your full-time job. Uh, I think that you need to give it a try. I think you have to answer those questions. You will learn things about yourself that you never knew. And if you, and if your business doesn’t work out, you will reenter the workforce with a totally different attitude. Um, you will because you’ll see business and you’ll see the world [00:23:00] differently.

There is no guarantee that you’ll be successful.

There is no guarantee that you will be successful. At any risk-taking second thing is, is that you might feel like you’re not realizing the dreams, your dreams, so maybe, maybe you’re playing small in that way. You’ve got a dream that you’re not really taking steps on. One of those for me was writing a book and I did, I finally got the gumption and I sat down with.

Three solid days. And then a week later, two weeks later, it was another three solid days. And I had finished the first draft of that book and my fingers were bleeding and I don’t think that’s the best way to do it. And there’s a lot that I would change about that first book, but, um, which you can check out by the way on changemylifecoaching.ca there’s a book called go beyond passion.

And it’s all about discovering your dream. Uh, the other thing is that maybe you’re not following passion or purpose in your life, that would be, you know, maybe you don’t even have a defined purpose. Ayn Rand has this great quote that basically says, you know, if you’re not choosing your philosophy in life, you’re, [00:24:00] you’re basically taking a mongrel approach to a philosophy, but there is no doubt that you have.

Philosophy. I think the same thing is true of purpose. There is no doubt that you have to have a purpose in this lifetime. It’s okay if your purpose changes, but if you do not have a defined purpose on this planet, then I think you will falter for a very long time and you are playing too small. Yeah. It’s like, you’re saying, if you don’t have a target, you’ll hit it every single time.

That’s exactly. So it’s, there’s nothing, right. There’s totally, uh, Uh, working to grow and learn. I do think that we do need to grow and learn. I do coach a lot of retirees or those that, uh, heading into retirement and, and sometimes they hear I’m done the learning part. I’m done the learning part and I’m like, it’s like, I think you’re done the learning part for your career, but I think you’re probably just entering the learning part of your retirement life.

Like how, what do you want to learn? What, how do you want to grow in retirement? What, what did you set aside that you really want to get into one woman? She’s like, I want to run a [00:25:00]marathon awesome. Right. Um, maybe you are not becoming a better version of yourself, right? So I think that this can get a little bit sticky for perfectionist.

So just be careful there where, but this might be one of the signs that you’re playing a bit small when it’s like, no, I know that I could be doing better and I’m not. So I’m going to be really compassionate to myself. And at the same time, I’m also going to look to, to, to some self-improvement. Um, I think all of us come with some magical, super powers mine is sensitivity.

I think Kyle’s is leverage. Um, and I think that, uh, so often those things like, you know, it’s a super power. If it’s something that you were told to curb. When you were a child, if you didn’t have a very good upbringing, I think you were, you might’ve been told by teachers to curb it. Kyle tells a story about being running an office at the front of the classroom and extending his desk onto the teacher’s desk and kind of got into that.

Yeah, I want to talk about [00:26:00] podcasts. So he got into a little bit of trouble with it, but that’s actually, his superpower is, is literally running an operation and being the leader, um, mine is sensitivity. And I was told called Mr. Sensitive, but that, that is my superpower. Um, sometimes we’re just going through the motions.

So this is where it’s like, you’re not. You know, you need to shake things up a bit. I shook things up in a really big way. Uh, we’ll talk about this on the next podcast, I wrote a $500 check to the Westboro Baptist church, which is horrendous homophobic church. And if you want to know whether or not I signed that check or why you got to tune in next week.

And of course, if you feel like you’re staying in your comfort zone, so we’re not saying blow your life up, but certainly getting out of that comfort zone. So if you’re noticing any of that stuff, you might be playing just a little bit too small, where you’re at and you might take this next week just to identify that and also spend some time defining what you need and want in your life.

It’s okay to want things. Absolutely. And we’ll [00:27:00] end with this, uh, that, that, uh, kind of quote that I mentioned already from Dr. Susan David discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life. We’ll see, it’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help.

So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share a signer socials you’ve heard from us now, we want to hear from you go to inspired action podcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action you took this week? Next week on inspired action for imperfect humans. I included a check for $500 in an address envelope to the Westboro Baptist church.

Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans – S4 E13: “Held Up at Gun Point in the Workplace – Stress Management”

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 12 Apr 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Listen here

“Held Up at Gun Point in the Workplace – Stress Management” Brief Summary:

“I thought it was interesting when the gunman was yelling at the manager to open the safe. The manager stopped and looked at the gunman and said “Relax, just give me a break. I’m trying to open the safe.” I’m thinking at this point, oh my God, he’s going to get shot.”

Stress Management, do you think you have excellent stress management? Or poor stress management? In this Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans podcast episode both Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo recant tales of being in very stressful situations where their lives were on the line, and how they dealt with those situations!

Summary:

Introduction
Kyle tells his story of being held up at gun point in the workplace
Christopher tells his story of being held up by knife point
Stress in the workplace and what happens
Negativity is a form of stress
Not all stress is created equal

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“Held Up at Gun Point in the Workplace – Stress Management” Transcript:

[00:00:00] And I thought it was interesting when the guy was, the gunman was yelling at the manager to open the safe he stopped. And he looked at him, says, relax, just give me a break. I’m trying to open the safe. Right. And I’m thinking at this point, oh my God, he’s going to get shot. Like, it’s just the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking act.

Well, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Thank you for joining us on inspired action for imperfect humans. Our podcast title that we’ve been doing for four seasons that Kyle cannot remember. I was waiting for it. I was like, he’s kicking this off and I know I’m going to get a jab. [00:01:00] You know what I think the problem is Kyle.

I think that it, it, it it’s like having a gun to your head. You get it, you get pressure where you’re like, I keep screwing this up. I need to get it right. You know, it’s interesting. You just mentioned that about a gun to your head of pressure. I haven’t seen, I had a situation that happened. This was, um, this is the first time in my leadership.

This happened where I was learning. I was at McDonald’s, you know, that’s where I kind of started out my leadership. I worked with a senior manager at the time. And he was . Like, showing me the ropes, uh, to do these things. Now I had the keys, you know what I mean? So I was locking up stuff outside and, oh my goodness.

I remember walking through the cars. I was outside walking the parameter cause we’re about to close. Um, back then McDonald’s did close just before midnight. And I, um, I think I could talk about this. I don’t think there’s an issue here, but anyway, you’re not going to tell me that you had a gun. Okay, hold on.

These two guys had a gun and they were robbing the place, and so they started to point the gun at my manager.

Hold on, hold on. So, um, so I walked in, I walked into and I noticed when I was walking through the door, [00:02:00] everyone from the counter was just moving back. Right. They just start to move back from the counter. I thought, oh my God, if someone spills something, cause that’s sometimes happens. You put the drink on the counter, you know, back then you had to do the drink and be moved back.

But what it was is, was these two guys and they had a gun and they were robbing. And so they started to point the gun at, uh, my manager, the manager at the time. Right. And then I saw when the manager, and of course I blanked out a little bit. I don’t even know where we’re going with this podcast, but guys just hold on.

And so, um, and then I saw when the major shock right now, And then they pointed at me, the, the guy, the manager starts coming over to me and then they start to look at me and I’m thinking, what? But what was happening was at the time is I had the keys. So when the guy was saying open the drawer, open the drawers, I had the keys to all the.

Right. So he was saying, I need to get the keys from him to open the drawer. So fair enough. They went through it now. I don’t know I was in shock. I gave the keys. [00:03:00] I was just standing there. We had employees, we had customers on the floor and. After he got the money from the, uh, the cash, the cash drawer, he then demanded for the safe to be open.

So we had to go to the back. So here myself and, uh, the guy went to the back. No, he wanted all the employees, all the people to the back. So we all went to the back by the safe and he start to open. He was trying to open the safe and he had the gun at the manager’s head. Right. And he kept saying, hurry, hurry.

And we were just like, some of it was a shock. Some was crying. Some were just like, they didn’t know what to do. And I thought it was interesting when the guy was, the gunman was yelling at the manager to open the safe he stopped. And he looked at him, says, relax, just give me a break. I’m trying to open the safe.

Right. And I’m thinking at this point, oh my God, he’s going to get shot. Like. It’s going to play out like you seen the movie, but it was something about that, that he just said, guys, relax, I’m going to open it. You already got the money from the drawer. I’m going to give you the money for, I don’t care. It’s [00:04:00] not my money.

I’ll give it to you. Just give me a moment. It’s a combination, you having a gun to my head and you know what? He really control that narrative in that moment because. Okay. And he just stepped back a little bit. And I just thought, even in that moment, he just said, let’s just bring the level down. Let’s just calm it down.

So of course the guy got the monies even took the loonies and stuff, right. In quarters, I’m thinking who’s robbing a place to take the coins, but anyway, desperate times. And then he put us in the walk-in as a, is a walk-in cooler. Right. So that’s where we keep all the other like lettuce and cheese and milk and all that stuff.

So we were brought into the cooler. Christopher. We were terrified. We were, emotions were all over the place and the managers just turned to us as we were being locked into this cooler. He said, listen, guys, relax. We’re all. Okay, look, they got the money they’re going to leave. Let’s just relax. We’re going to be okay now.

I don’t know if that was true, but I believed him [00:05:00] in that moment. I believed him and, you know, just feel a sense of call. No kidding. You know, it’s interesting. I, so I was actually held up at knife point, uh, just walking down the street. So people want to know where we live, but these did not happen in the same cities.

Right. But, uh, but yeah, it was held up in life point, just walking down the street, but I didn’t have anybody. And it’s amazing how, when you’re in a high stress moment, Like for me, I was kind of looking at like, can I run? Can I run? Cause I knew like I was very slight and I’m like, I’m not going to be able to, how to a beat.

Like, I’m not going to be able to fight these guys. Like that’s not gonna happen. Right. My side two guys. Yep. And you were just walking. I was just walking away from the C train station. And they, uh, they, yeah, they ran up behind me and kinda, uh, held me at knife point and kind of took some of the items I had on me.

I was actually held up at knife point.

And it was really interesting because I, um, [00:06:00] in hindsight, I could see where they were flexing a bit and testing their own. Bravery with it. But I only know that now because of how much I study human behavior. And I think a lot about what happened to my own mind in that moment. And I think that when people are stressed out, they think that they’ll, it’s like, well, I would do this.

If that happened, I would do that. If that happened. And it’s like, let me tell you something. If you got a knife or a gun in your back, you do not know what you’re doing. Like, I I’ll just tell you that much, but I think about it a lot. Like I think about if this was to happen again in my life, what would I do?

Right. Would I be compliant or would I not? And I just don’t like, I don’t know the answer. Right. Like I, I think it would be different if it was a gun versus a knife. I was looking for a place to run. Um, but because there were two of them and it was interesting. I don’t even know if they knew that they were doing it.

One stayed behind me the whole time, but the other one was always in my line of [00:07:00] sight. So wherever I looked he’d stand in front. So I realized in hindsight it was a psychological barrier. So it’s like, don’t go there, don’t go there. Right. It’s almost like defensive driving, which is another really stressful situation in defensive driving.

They often. Kind of point their finger and it’s like, it’s like, look over there, look over there. Right. And so it’s, it’s kind of a, you know, instead of like at the thing that you’re heading towards. So I think it’s a really interesting kind of thing about how our brains, um, manage in extreme stress. Oh yeah.

Cause like I said, even in that, uh, gunpoint thing, some people were crying. Some people were numb. Some people you can see anything. Some people were just confused. Some people just remember. I think I was just taking it all in, you know, and in all honesty, because like I said, I see, I remember a lot of the movements.

I know what we debriefed after, but in that moment I was really checking on him, but I was really [00:08:00] drawn to the, the level of confidence. The senior manager had, right? Like in that moment he really command and control the situation. Even if it may have been perceived that he had no control. He did for the fact that him to turn around and say to that person, you know, they’re an interesting enough to senior, like the store manager was there at the time.

Like she came on, um, a little bit later, so she happened to be there. And, uh, of course you expect that she was going to take more control. Right. You know, she wasn’t like, even though she is the most, most rank person there in that moment, she was the quietest. She was like, stunned. Like we had to call her a couple of times.

I had to say, Hey, go this, Hey, come here, go do like you could tell, like, it’s just so to your point, you actually don’t know. And sometimes it’s not even. Right. There’s times of people will step up. Right. Uh, and to be able to do that now, here’s, what’s interesting about that situation. So although we went through that and all that stuff, we, they [00:09:00] did end up catching the robbers.

Cause I know some people may be wondering, like, what happened? It didn’t catch mine to my knowledge. They didn’t, they never came back to me to tell me they did, but I suspect they didn’t see it. Yeah. So they did this guy, the same group of guys. Just a couple of minutes down the road when to hold up another KFC.

Now that owner was a little bit smarter. They had cameras, silent alarms, they had everything. So by the time they got out of the KFC, they got them. So that’s where we’re hitting now. Christopher, we had to go to court. Okay. And both the senior manager and I had to testify. And they brought us into this room before we had to testify in court and they showed us some pictures.

The senior manager, he picked out two people who he thought it was.

Right. And they said, pick, can you pick out the guys and blah, blah. Cause at this point we hadn’t, we didn’t do a lineup. We had to pick up the speaker. So I picked out two people who I thought it was. And again, the senior manager, he picked out two people who we thought it was now him and I couldn’t see each other.

So. He, you know, I had to go first, then he would go after me. So he wasn’t in the courtroom now because I’ve testified I could stay in the courtroom. So I did, so I testified, I [00:10:00] pointed the guys and they didn’t ask me much any questions outside of just pointing at the guys. And what do I remember? How.

Plain and simple. Right? So the senior manager now comes in and he’s testifying. He talks in great details. Great assurance almost to the point where he’s like upset that I can’t believe this even happened. Right. And so the, the defense lawyer came and said, could you point out of the two guys? And so he pointed, he goes, those two guys sitting right there next to you.

Right. And he said, well, that’s interesting. And he calls his name. He says, the two pictures that you picked out are not these guys. Well, my God, Christopher, the guy said, listen, I don’t care what that is. And it wasn’t two, eight by 10. That robbed me. It was those two guys that robbed me right. Entire court burst out in laughter.

And the judge like. He was like, well, that’s true though, because people, I mean, if people are like, well, it’s a very poor defense actually, because I mean, girl, how many [00:11:00] times when you’re on Tinder do see somebody’s photo, then you go meet them. This is not whose picture this, how to spell my own photos. And I’m like, geez, I look better than I do in real person.

No, it was a, it was an interesting reflection. And I think the guy, the defense was so stunned that everyone started to laugh, that the judge had tonight. He does his thing and he’s like, okay, order, just hang out. You know what I mean? And the, the, you could tell the defense lawyer was so stunned. He had to say, um, I have no further question.

And so the prosecution then comes back and says, can I ask you some additional questions? Right. But cause that’s really what it is because how powerful that is, right. When the guy’s like, I don’t know what to tell you. It wasn’t two, eight by 10 that robbed me. It was those two. Right. So it just makes like, for him, his clarity and focus was astonishing.

And so I [00:12:00] never will forget that, that, that lesson that day, um, and days prior to that, just how he handled himself. Right. Just how clear he was. How, um, my, my friend, Sarah, this was, this was kind of her dad, right? So it’s like, as like he had a high amount of stoicism, uh, when it came to work stuff and family stuff, and it was just like, you know, they’re Muslim.

Uh, oh, what’s the phrase. I can’t remember what it is, but there’s a phrase that basically says whatever will be, will be right. So, uh, uh, I can’t remember. We, I know we have some Muslim listeners, so maybe they can help me, um, say that phrase, but basically it’s like, um, uh, basically it means whatever will be, will be coming from a third world country and seeing some of the horrendous things that he saw workplace stress.

Literally had no effect on him. It just, he’s just like, whatever, you know, like when you see people like literally being killed or shot or whatever, you know, it’s just like, [00:13:00] whatever’s gonna be, is going to be right. So I think it all comes from like your own bias. I think if we bring this back to some of the workplace stuff, Kyle, like I think this is such a really cool story and it leads into some of this thing about stress in the workplace and what happens.

So, so I think. I’ve got two things that I want to talk about here, if that’s okay. One is kind of long-term brain changes. So there is evidence that chronic and persistent stress may actually we rewire your brain and cause ongoing inflammation. So this is super important. This comes from Dr. Wrestler. This is out of Harvard.

Okay. Um, Harvard health. So scientists have learned that animals that experienced prolonged stress have less activity in the parts of their drain. Uh, sorry, parts of their brain that handle higher order tasks, for example, prefrontal cortex. So if you’re under high stress and then you don’t know why you keep forgetting things, why you’re making poor decisions while know risk taking [00:14:00] is all messed up or whatever it’s because you’re under chronic stress.

Negativity is a form of stress.

And so basically it’s kind of like if, and, and, and what you end up activating more often than that stress is your amygdala, right? So this is kind of like, if you only worked out your arms in the gym, but you didn’t work out your chest or back, you would have monkey arms, but you’d have this tiny little concave chest.

I actually saw this at the gym one. So it brings a visual where this guy, like, honestly, he, he, he had massive. But he never worked out his chest at all. And it was like, he looked so weird. Right. So poor guy. Right. But he looked good with a shirt on, uh, you know, now with that said, could that be the same stress and negativity?

Cause you find that sometimes. Okay. But here’s the thing. Okay. I want to be really careful negativity. It is a form of stress. It is a form of stress, but it’s important to remember that negativity is not all bad. And I think that we do live in a world that says negativity is all bad. I don’t think negativity is all bad.[00:15:00]

I think it’s well, it’s about the recognition of the negativity and not avoiding it. And then, and then I’m sitting with it and being okay with it and, and maybe even taking an action on it, but not necessarily where negativity becomes a problem is that it can turn into ruminating and ruminating is often because there’s something that’s unresolved.

And then typically when we’re ruminating, instead of sitting in it, we want to avoid it. So then we just get stuck kind of almost in a neural feedback loop. So it’s really important that people, um, differentiate those things. So, so, um, They do suspect that these changes in the brain are reversable, but it can be more difficult to reverse and others.

So this means that some people will be more prone to stress, uh, and staying in that chronic stress. So those of us who have. Uh, stressful childhood experiences, uh, will often take on more of a toll in developing the brain in that chronic stress pattern. So it’s [00:16:00] not that it’s undoable, but it just takes a little bit more work for those of us that have had that.

Um, one of the things that’s attached to this actually is about how well you can remember it. And so for me, that’s really problematic because it’s like, I remember like specific details about my childhood and, and they say, even if it’s. You know, even if your brain is filling in the gap and it’s not accurate, it’s still, it’s just the way your brain is wired.

So, so interesting. So the other part of this is that, um, there. Uh, not all stress is created equal. So this is what Dr. Ressler says. It’s a tough question because stress is a broad term. That’s used to describe a lot of different things that stress you might experience before you take a test is very likely different than the stress of being involved in a car accident or from a prolonged illness.

But they can say that more stressed is likely worse and long-term stress is generally worse than short-term. So here’s some additional [00:17:00] factors that might be more harmful. If stress is unpredictable, then, then that will, um, create, uh, Uh, a more harmful effect on the brain. If someone can anticipate stress, it’s less damaging than stress.

That appears to be random. This is why some people, um, have what we call like an adjustment disorder. Right? So basically it’s like people who have a hard time with last minute change it’s actually because their brains are wired in a stress state. They’re wired in a stress state already. And so when we add more unpredictable stress, even if it’s a small change, they have a really hard time adjusting to it.

Exactly. Yeah. And that’s the other thing too, is when people go to the workplace and they’re like, I have a colleague or leader who are like, oh, I wonder what he’s going to blow up about today. I wonder what she’s going to complain about with what, [00:18:00] right that unpredictableness. Right. Whether they’re like, they know like something’s going to happen to some degree or they may not know.

When it’s going to happen, which is calls could be also stressful. Right. Um, until you get to a point where they just snap, right? Yeah. Agreed. So there’s, uh, there’s another factor, uh, if there’s no time limit on the stress. So like, if you’re stressed out about a presentation or an upcoming exam, that has a point where, you know, it will get relief.

Right. But if the stress has no end point, so like, if you’re constantly stressed about finances or deal with. Um, people at work that makes it harder, uh, which is why I think it’s important that people put their own end date on things like I’m going to leave this job, or I’m going to go in and I’m going to rip the bandaid off of this coworker who is moderately abusive and say, you’re not going to treat me that way.

The idea is to get through the stress.

So if you need to fire me or if you need to punch me in the face, let’s get this over with. Right. But the idea is [00:19:00] the idea is to actually get through stress. Um, and, and if people don’t feel supported during this. Um, lack of support, w we’ll make it chronically. Yeah. So I think if, you know, when I think about, um, the inspired action for this week, just based off our situation that we were talking about of, you know, cause those were stressful situation.

These are sometimes chaotic moments that happens, you know, in our work or in a home is what I’m hearing is we need to be mindful that one, you know, what type of stress is happening? Am I even stressed? Right? Because as you know, with me, most of my stress, I feel. Right. Days where I start complaining about headaches and my body.

And you’re like, are you stressed about something? And usually it’s in those moments where I’m like, why would I be stressed about, and then I do that awareness piece on like, right. This has been stressful all week. So in, in another Harvard, uh, health article, Kyle, they suggest five things about kind of getting [00:20:00] stress under control.

And this is the name of the game. Um, so. So this article, by the way, because people are going to want to see it. It’s called, um, protect your brain from stress, stress management may reduce health problems, linked to stress, which include cognitive problems and a higher risk for Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

So, yeah, so it’s, they’re really connecting it to that inflammation piece. So, um, the first thing is establishing some control over your situation. Situation. So having a routine is good for development and health. Um, and certainly we’re removing some of those stresses stressors that are unnecessary. We talk about this a lot as business owners, we talked about it a lot in the workplace, um, as well, getting a good night’s sleep so stress can result in, uh, sleep difficulties

so focusing on ways that you can get. How helpful sleep will, uh, will help. I have that this morning, I woke up out of bed sleep. I went right back to bed. I just did my day. Right. Uh, getting organized. [00:21:00] So, so having, having lists, um, knowing what’s in your day, making sure that you’re booking time in your day with nothing that you can just do, whatever you want with is really key.

A strategic leader does a lot with this as well, just in terms of like, um, buffer days and that kind of thing. And, um, uh, getting help if you need it. So, so whether it’s a psychologist or something else, uh, to help reduce stress and then changing your attitude towards stress. So there’s an interesting quote, right?

A life without stress would not only be impossible, but also would likely be pretty uninteresting. Uh, in fact, a certain degree of stress is helpful for growth. So. And this is from Dr. Wrestler. So rather than striving for no stress strive for healthier responses to stress, right? So when stress comes finding new ways to respond to it, even that last piece that you just mentioned, as I looked back at that situation, I experience, and I’m not sure if that’s the same for you with a knife incident as well.

[00:22:00] I, you know, I learned a lot in that night, you know, same few things after a lot about myself and people slowly, right. How I responded to it right. To know that I made it out. Right. So I can accomplish certain things I can get out of those things. It’s possible. It’s not everything is doom and gloom. Right?

Cause sometimes if someone sees a gun or a situation, they think everyone’s dead. And again, there’s been experiences where that has happened. Um, however, in my leadership, right, what type of leader I want us to be more, uh, about, which is, you know, like this or the senior manager, he was concerned about himself as well as other things.

Right. But he really wants to say, okay, let these guys move out. Right. Those are some of the other details that I mentioned. He’s like, let them all come back over here. Right. And even offer it. Why? Because we knew that we can get out of the cooler. So that was his suggestion of why don’t we just go all in the cooler, that way we can lock in the, no, one’s going to do that.

And so he did that to allow us, because we know once we in the cooler and we showed them how to lock it, there’s a release. Once you hit that [00:23:00] release, the door opens. Right. So we knew that would be okay, but the guy robbing the place didn’t know. Right. So we wanted him to feel safe that he can get away so to speak.

Right. Because what’s more important for us to take him down or for us to survive this piece. Yeah. The money is irrelevant. Yeah. The stuff I had was irrelevant. Anyway, this is great. I love those five things. So guys for, um, you know, for folks listening to us right now, thank you again, always for your support.

You know, if this is something that you struggle with or, you know, someone who does share this podcast, let us know, let us know if we miss something or if there’s some additional things that you do to manage your stress. Because again, sharing is definitely caring because we all would experience stress at some level, either at work with our friends, with our relation.

And the more we know the betterness, we’ll see you next week. It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help. [00:24:00] So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share a signer socials you’ve heard from us.

Now we want to hear from you go to inspired action podcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action you took this week next week on inspired action for imperfect humans. And the other thing too, is when we talk about challenge and I’ll tell you from my experience, when a leader hears you want to be challenged without definition or specificity, or you being really clear on it, it says to them you want more work.

Inspired Actions For Imperfect Humans – S4 EP12: “Cultivating Emotional Intelligence at Work”

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 05 Apr 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Listen here

“Cultivating Emotional Intelligence at Work” Brief Summary:

“Most workers being 92% think they have strong emotional intelligence. But fewer than 74% believe that their bosses do”

Are you emotional in the workplace? Or do you check your emotions at the door? In this Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans podcast episode Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo discuss emotions in the workplace, and why cultivating emotional intelligence in the workplace is highly important to having better teams.

Summary:

Introduction
Christopher tells his story of how emotions are his superpower
Some statistics regarding emotions in the workplace
Kyle chats about Daniel Goldman’s book “Emotional Intelligence”
Emotional granularity, what is it?
What is not acceptable in the workplace

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“Cultivating Emotional Intelligence at Work” Transcript:

[00:00:00] Most workers listen to this being 92% think they have strong emotional intelligence. But fewer than 74% believe that their bosses do, is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action. Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans. Each week, we give you real life stories and thought-provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life through your own actions.

From the heart of Calgary Canada. Here are your hosts. Award-winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo. Hello. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, everyone. Welcome to another exciting week of our past our podcast. You know, it was happening for me there. Christopher, you weren’t paying attention as usual. No, I would say to myself, remember the name?[00:01:00]

And then by saying that, remember the name? I forgot. I messed it up. So inspired action for imperfect human podcasts and I’d even look it up. So this is great. Listen, how you doing, buddy? I don’t know. I keep thinking. I need to get. Um, a packet of post-its or something. So you can write yourself a reminder about what our podcast is called that we’ve been doing for four seasons.

I think you’re onto something there. I think you’re onto something, but I think, you know, maybe that’s a good thing. That’s maybe it has something to do with my emotional intelligence that I’m so emotionally connected with self that my intelligence is really about myself and not external. Could that be.

Do you think? No, not at all.

Now, listen, I wanted to chat about emotional intelligence today only because you and I have gone [00:02:00] back and forth and we’ve worked with different people. And we’ve spoke about this, um, you know, in different occasions when it comes to emotions, because there’s still this thing around keeping emotions. Out of the organization, keeping emotion sometimes even in our personal relationships, right.

When we get so emotionally engaged, sometimes it goes off and then we talk about it’s okay to be mindful for your emotions. So I’m just wondering, which is it have emotions, don’t have emotions. Does emotion intelligence actually speaks to it. What’s the final word on the emotions? I think this is a, a really interesting thing, Kyle, and it’s something that I pay a lot of attention to because certainly when I was in working in a corporate, I’ll tell you a story here.

Um, on three separate occasions in my career, I was criticized as being too emotional. And in two cases, I [00:03:00] was called Mr. Sensitive. Um, which is, uh, well, it doesn’t, I’ll just say it doesn’t happen anymore. Is that a, is that a problem though, to be sensitive or mean, I mean, I think with context. Well, I think this is the problem though, is that I think you have to remember.

And honestly, we don’t do this very often on our podcasts, but I think that this actually has to do with, um, like white male heterosexual bias in a way, because. ’cause if you look at it, it’s like it started, I don’t know when, but like the weaker sex as women and it’s because women are emotional. Uh, right.

I’m wondering if there’s some carry through from that where emotions are not seen as high currency in the workplace.

And so I’m wondering if there’s some carry through from that where emotions are not seen as high currency in the workplace, but I think what’s not actually seen as. Hi, [00:04:00] currency in the workplace is when people lose control of their emotions. I think, I think that’s the bigger issue here. It’s interesting.

I, um, I coach a couple of excuse the term alpha males and the reason why they’re they’re young, alpha males, but they’re so woke and they’re like, they’re like, even though I’m going to be a tribal leader one day, Right or, and, and in some cases are right. Like they’re both in leadership positions. They, they recognize that they have to understand their own emotions to be able to lead effectively.

And so I’m so privileged to be able to coach them honestly. Um, in my own case, it was so funny because the last time somebody says, wow, you’re really sensitive about these things. Hey, I, uh, I responded reacted, uh, by slamming the door and saying, you [00:05:00] bet your bottom dollar I’m goddamn sensitive. I’m like, that’s why my team performs the best out of any team in this company.

And we’ve got the numbers to prove it. That’s why you give me the biggest raises biggest bonuses. It’s because I’m I’m self-aware so the next time you’re going to insult me by calling me Mr. Sensitive. You’re going to attach a big fat paycheck to it. Cause you’re taking advantage of it. You might not like the liability of it, but I’ll get him passionate about it if you want.

I learned a few things since then. Yeah. I mean, I’ve said this often where I actually like that someone is emotionally connected, right? Yes. I agree. Sometimes someone can get really emotional and to the point where it’s disruptive. Um, uh, however, there’s something behind that that’s worth. Right. We can’t just say, oh my God, that person is so sensitive.

Oh, that guy, that person takes everything. So literally that there’s something going on. And I think, you know, I’d rather that, because then it allows for dialogue, I think it allows for you to be able [00:06:00] to uncover and engage that person versus the one that you don’t even know what’s happening. I mean, I’d be worried about those folks right.

Where we don’t even know what’s happening because there’s people who do that. Right. Right. Yeah. I totally agree. It’s interesting too, because I think that there’s a lot of confusion about like, what is. You know, like, like I, uh, I worked for the guy who was a very old school guy who was a contractor and he was known for getting results, but the way that he got results and I’m not even kidding you, like, like prior to him working with us in, in the eighties and nineties, he’d walk into a room and he’d be like, we miss the project deadline, you’re all fired.

And he would fire the whole room, uh, the entire project team of 30 people. On the spot and, and that’s seen as, you know, like that’s, that’s seen as like leadership or as like taking charge. And it’s like, you know, that’s really appropriate in one case, which is probably if all 30 people had risked the lives of somebody else by neglecting safety [00:07:00] or something.

I think that that kind of reaction is appropriate. But I think because there’s this bias that that’s getting results and that’s whatever that’s seen as currency rather than. As actually just another emotional reaction. Like that person is just as sensitive as I am and maybe more so actually, cause I never did that.

Um, it’s it’s interesting here, Kyle, when we look at like emotional intelligence here, there’s th there’s some interesting findings in research, so I’ve got a few of them to go through here, but, but um, this, I think that this. Like when you look at the numbers and you pay attention to them, it tells a story.

And I’m not sure it’s a story that people want to hear even about themselves. So in the workplace more than one in five employees, so 21% believe emotional quotient is more valuable in the workplace than intellectual quotient or. And then nearly. Yeah, so basically 20, 21%. So nearly two [00:08:00] third, 65% said that the two are equally important.

Fewer than 74% believe that their bosses have emotional intelligence.

So that’s good. That’s a, that’s a more representative number. Um, most workers listen to this being 92% think they have strong emotional intelligence, but fewer than 74% believe that their bosses too. Interesting. That’s a total disconnect. Yeah. It’s like, we’ve been saying lately about a lot of these researchers we’ve been looking at as what’s happening in the workplace.

And there seems to be some consistency between what the employee group feels and think and what the employers, um, think and feel. So, yeah, this is just another one of those things where we’re like, ah, there’s a big disconnect there again, there’s a disconnect and I’ll tell you something in my experience, I think.

92% think they have strong emotional intelligence. I would say that in reality, that pro that number is probably less than [00:09:00] 30%. I actually think less than 30% of people have really strong emotional intelligence. I think most people have adequate emotional intelligence. I’ll give you, um, I’ll, I’ll give you a couple of, uh, uh, a quick, uh, there’s a few more of these, but I think, you know, we, we need to come back here and define emotional intelligence.

So basically. Emotional intelligence is most often defined as the ability to perceive, to use, to understand, manage and handle emotions. So basically the idea is not that we’re checking our emotions at the door, but actually that we’re recognizing our emotions and using them and understanding them in the workplace effectively, rather than.

And in our lives, rather than trying to avoid them or check them at the door. And in fact, those who avoid and check them at the door have the low emotional intelligence. Those that are uncomfortable with others’ emotions have lower [00:10:00] emotional intelligence. Um, and, and it is a liability to have lower emotional intelligence.

Why is this important? Like, why not just check it at the. Right now, could you hold that thought for a second? Cause I wanted to add a little bit to it just when we’re talking about the definition and the key areas, you, and I’m not sure what you have in front of you. Uh, if you’re going to touch on some of this, but as well.

Um, I just wanted to give some folks some context if that’s okay. Yeah. So not really, but it was, I mean, guys, I get to talk guys, listen to this. I’m going to chat. Uh, Daniel Goldman first brought emotional intelligence to a wide audience in his book that was in done in 1995. The book of that name was emotional intelligence.

Right. He found that while the qualities of traditional associated, um, with a leadership such as Intelligence toughness determination and vision are required for success. They are insufficient. Like what we’re saying, you know, you know, before I’ve just, you know, how we do things we [00:11:00]need to be mindful about, not just checking things at the doors because there’s other elements that plays a role in that truly effective leaders are also.

Distinguished by high degree of emotional intelligence, right? Um, now here’s the main area, which includes self-awareness. This is the ability to recognize what you’re feeling, to understand the habitual emotions, responses to events, and to recognize your emotions. Right. So even checking the door kind of concept is not always going to work.

Yes. It’s good for you to be mindful. And you might have to say, Hey, I have to play this out. I can’t just go in and say, Hey, everyone. I’m aware of myself. I’m emotional right now. And everyone has to deal with it. That’s not what we’re saying. And I think we’re going to touch on that a little bit. The other area was managing emotions, the ability to stay focused and think clearly even when experienced.

Powerful emotions. Cause sometimes someone might lose a loved one. Someone might have a fight with their significant other. Someone might be nervous about a certain task or project. The third area was motivating oneself. The ability to use [00:12:00] deepest emotions to move and guide you towards your goals. Right?

Cause that’s really what it is. And you and I talked about, you know, self motivation. Um, before, um, the next area there’s two more here. The next area was empathy, right? The ability to sense, to understand and respond to what other people are feeling hats, checking in at the door, when someone’s coming in feeling a certain way.

We can’t just ignore, like I’m going to stay away from him today. He seems emotional. Right? And the final one was social skill. The ability to manage, influence and inspire emotions in others because we’re human. We all kind of worked on. When did that model come out? Did you, did you give a year? 1995? Yeah. I suspect that some of that has been deconstructed now.

Things like when we look at like motivation and stuff like that, I don’t think that that’s a factor in emotional intelligence at all. Um, I think, I think I shouldn’t say at all, I think. Uh, [00:13:00] factor from the perspective that we recognize that motivation will come and go like all emotions and motivation is driven by emotion.

It’s not. It’s so, yeah, so it’s interesting. So if we’re trying to control motivation, we have to control our emotions, but controlling our emotions, isn’t always the, it, isn’t always what emotional intelligence is about. So, so yeah, I find that. I think that’s very interesting. Thank you for sharing. I think, um, girl, when I say.

The girl, when we say thank you for sharing, that means I’d like to move on now. That’s what that really means. I think, like I said, it was initial that it came to the wide audience at that point, but I agree with you, you, and I’ve seen a lot of different things where there’s some evolution of it. Right.

And just simplification in certain areas. Some certain areas of clarity. Yeah, totally. So, uh, so I th I think that there’s some really interesting things here for us to pay [00:14:00] attention to, um, The reason why we have to have this in our workplaces is because you cannot bypass human emotion in the body. You can not bypass.

Unless you are not neuro-typical, you cannot bypass human emotion.

There was a meta analysis done on thousands and thousands and thousands of studies. And what they know is that it is tied to our physiology. Meaning unless you are not neuro-typical, you cannot bypass human emotion. Now you might. Lead with emotion in certain circumstances. And you might keep emotion tucked back in certain circumstances, right?

And you might, um, uh, change it up once in a while. And as a default, your preference might be to lead with emotion. Or your preference might be to keep a tuck tucked back. But I know what we’re seeing in terms of like workplace engagement and workplace and retention, which is a huge thing in 2022, [00:15:00] um, you know, here in Canada and the states where there are labor shortage.

And, you know, really we’re kind of headed into hyperinflation. It looks like here, if you look at our fuel prices, holy crap. Right? So, so you, you look at this kind of stuff and it’s like emotional intelligence is going to be the name of the game here. Um, as, as we kind of move into this, this next phase of, of kind of like workplace economics, Right.

And when I say workplace economics, I’m like, what is defined as currency? So education is currency experiences, currency. Um, I think leadership skills are currency and not just for leaders, but in all people. And, and I think the ability to effectively follow, uh, as well, but I think emotional intelligence is that the, uh, top of the list.

Um, so what can people do? Well, I think Kyle, there’s a part here where. Derailed my thought. I don’t want to talk about what people [00:16:00] can do yet.

You okay to give me the five minute mark though? The three second mark. But in your mind, we got five minutes. Now that you’re talking, um, Um, I think, uh, this is interesting too. Did you know that more than six out of 10? So this is a people who admit it, which means that the number is higher. When we look at self-reported data was like the six and 10.

So 61% admitted that they’ve let their emotions get the better of them in the office, which means it’s probably closer to 80%. And that 20% probably isn’t identifying what they’re doing as an emotion. They might be in it, but don’t even identify it. Kyle, have you let your emotions get the better of you at the office when, when and wherever?

No, exactly. The folks, you know that this is a lie. He’s doing it right now. So, so kind of what should people do [00:17:00] about this? Well, there’s a couple of things I think, well, one as coaches we can test, right? There’s a lot of little tests that’s out there. And what have you to be able to go through those?

What’s one of the tests that people can reach out to. Uh, the, we have an EI test that we do, right? There’s a self-reporting EI test that we asked some questions around some of those areas that we’ve talked about. The other thing too, is, um, just people being mindful right. Of the emotion, right? Like, no matter what it is.

So if you go to a meeting, if you’re interacting, sometimes you have to stop and just say, you know what? Don’t and I love this question that I always share with my clients and folks is what I’m feeling or thinking right now. Is that based off feelings or facts? You know, it’s just being aware, just asking myself what I’m experiencing right now is that based off feelings or facts, right.

Because feelings is like, Hey, I don’t know. Right. Because the story we start telling herself as this guy thinks he’s, you know, he hates me. She hates me. She, this, you, but, but I don’t actually know that for sure. So I have some emotional feeling [00:18:00] around a situation. So just be mindful of, it would be one of it.

The idea here is to actually get better at labeling your emotions.

Yeah, I agree. I’d like to expand on that. I think, um, one of the key things here that, um, people often miss and man, like, if you can do this with your kids, you’re going to change their lives. Um, the idea here is to, um, is to actually get better at labeling your emotions. So this isn’t all of emotional intelligence, but the first step is awareness and that’s like anything in life you want to lose weight, you have to create awareness around.

What you’re eating and how much and how often and what you’re feeling. If you want to, uh, be less angry at work, you have to create awareness around it. So everything starts with awareness. And so emotional labeling is one aspect of emotional intelligence. And I do think that people should have an emotions list in front of them.

I think that they should look at how intense that emotion is and they need to label it and check. A couple of times a day, [00:19:00] uh, can be really, really helpful. Um, what they have noted is that the more granular, so they call it emotional granularity. This is what the researchers are calling it, emotional granularity, your ability to get super granular with labeling your emotions.

So meaning you’ve got lots of words for your emotions actually creates that flexibility in your thinking. So this is totally appropriate for a workplace because how often are people. In fixed thinking. And the fixed thinking is almost always emotionally driven. So if people can understand, like if you say that I, you know, I check my emotions at the door and blah, blah, blah, but you’re a stick in the mud.

You do not have high emotional intelligence in that moment. Right? Like I, I think that people just read it as a certain currency. Right. So I think you’ve got to get really good at labeling emotions. And I like that if I could share just two, two quick questions that usually [00:20:00] comes up when we do that self, um, emotional checklists, you know, there’s something I mentioned earlier.

The first question was I realized immediately when I lose my temper. Right. Does that always apply to you? Does it, uh, does not apply to you? And the second one is I can reframe bad situations quickly, you know? And not only are the workplace, what about your relationships? Right? Are you mindful of your temper? Right.

Cause I think sometimes when we’re in a comfortable situation, like a home, a friendship or what have you, we tend to, um, probably be not as quick to recognize that we were quite secure in that. And we feel that we show a lot of emotions.

I totally agree, Kyle, and I think, I think that if, you know, we talk about anger, but I think it goes the other way too. I worked with a woman who said that, like when she’s upset, if she can just have her 20 minutes to cry, that’s all she needs. Then we can move on and I’m like, [00:21:00] Hey, man. I’m like Mr.

Emotional, apparently according to my previous workplaces, but that’s actually not appropriate. Like that’s a codependency. So if you need that, go take a break, step outside, go cry. Like I have no problem with tears. I’m not uncomfortable with emotions. It’s just not an appropriate to hijack somebody’s day.

And I think in this case, it wasn’t like a once a year thing. It was like a once a week thing. And I’m like, that’s not like, like you can’t. You can’t hijack somebody’s day and not expect them to be like, check your emotions at the door. Right. So the idea is to recognize where you are, take a break, you know, go, go do the emotional thing and then collect yourself and come back prepared to have a conversation.

Right. But it’s, I think it goes both ways. It’s not just angry people. I think it’s also people who are quote, unquote, emotionally shut off. And they’re making decisions without the people factor that totally reeks of [00:22:00] a low emotional intelligence. Absolutely. And, and there’s times where things will happen.

And if you become what we called emotionally charged, there’s something to be able to communicate that, you know what, um, something’s happening for me right now. I just, I need a moment, like you were saying, go and collect yourself and come back. Right. Um, but also to communicate that with someone, cause you might be in a conversation where you just have to say, you know what, I’m, this is really making me emotionally charged right now.

And just, could you give me a moment and I will continue this conversation. It’s not only. Yeah, I’m really emotionally charged. So stop. No, like we still have to move forward. Totally. I totally agree with you folks. Your imperfect inspired action this week is to get in touch with your emotions in the workplace.

Just note how you’re feeling, get emotionally granular, and maybe even learn something like non-violent communication, where you learn to communicate. Your emotions effectively.[00:23:00]

It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your health. So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share us on your socials you’ve heard from us. Now we want to hear from you go to inspired action podcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action you took this week next week.

On inspired action for imperfect humans. And I thought I was interested in the guy with the gunman’s yelling at the management, open, safe, he stopped and it would look down, he says, relax, just give me a break. I’m trying to open the safe. Right. And I’m thinking at this point, oh my God, he’s going to get shot. Like.

Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans – S4 E11: “Flexibility Currency – There Are 3 Kinds”

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 29 Mar 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Listen here

“Flexibility Currency – There Are 3 Kinds” Brief Summary:

“I really think when we talk flexibility, people are only thinking in terms of their time, but there’s so much more to it than that.”

Do you have flexibility currency? Did you know that there’s more to flexibility currency and being flexible, than just time? In this Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans podcast episode, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo discuss the three different types of flexibility currency, and why flexibility currency is very important for both the employee and leaders in any organization!

Summary:

Introduction
What is flexibility?
What is flexibility currency?
Kyle tells his story with a past leader, and being flexible.
Taking action on being flexible.

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“Flexibility Currency – There Are 3 Kinds” Transcript:

[00:00:00] This is really important Kyle because I, I really think when we talk flexibility, people are only thinking in terms of their time, but there’s so much more to it than that. The thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action. Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans. Each week, we give you real life stories and thought provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life through your own actions.

From the heart of Calgary Canada. Here are your hosts. Award winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence, and Kyle Kalloo. Well, hello, everyone. Welcome to another exciting week of inspired, inspired actions for imperfect humans. One day, I swear Christopher I will get that right. Trust me. When I say I will get the right now, he’s looking at me with his judgemental face, shaking his head side to side as he does.

And he does it very well. Actually I probably too well, in fact, before we get to. Before we get [00:01:00] started

because you, you say, trust me, girl, there’s so many reasons why I cannot trust you. You have issues, or we get started folks. We’ve been asking, we’re getting so close to our download total. Um, so I know if you, the best way you can support our podcast is if. Subscribe, we’re getting close. I’m not saying that.

It’s there, but another 7,000 or something we’re getting there folks. And I, I believe that you can help us get there. So like, and subscribe, share a podcasts. If you heard something that really resonated with you, I am sure someone else out there it will resonate with as well, because you never know who needs to hear the message.

That’s all I’m saying. So share like, and subscribe, because this allows us to get this information going and then Christopher gets a real sense of purpose that what he says really matters. Okay. Um, cause [00:02:00] what I like about what we do this, what I like about this podcast is just our ability to be flexible.

Right? Because look at the topic and someone brought this to me the other day. The range of subjects and topics and items and things that we discuss on this thing really shows flexibility. It’s not rigid where we’re like, no, we’re only going to talk about here, or we’re not trying to be masters of many either, but we really talk about what we know, what we experience, what we work with our clients on.

And you and I are ad, you know, um, readers. You know, we do listen different things. We share a predilection for ongoing knowledge and learning. And when we learn that we always want to share that. And I think that’s what I like about, you know, the flexibility of our knowledge and how we want to share and how do we get people in front of that.

So I’m hoping we can specifically talk about flexibility and flexibility specifically in the workplace. What does it actually [00:03:00] look like? You know, is there who, and again, I think. Who should be flexible. Should it be the employees? Shouldn’t be, the leaders should be a combination of both. Should it be individual?

I think the big thing with all of it is that there has to be an understanding that flexibility is defined differently by people.

What’s your take on flexibility in way. I think, I think flexibility is probably the right word. I think, uh, you know, there’s also this whole thing that care is the new currency and I don’t disagree with that either. I think that, I think the big thing with all of it is that there has to be an understanding that flexibility is defined differently by people.

So I’ve seen organizations do these broad sweeping breaststroke kind of policy. Um, which I understand you got to make it fair and consistent and right. Cause then you can manage it. Um, you know, to try and address something only leaving everybody dissatisfied because they piecemeal something together rather than, you know, one of the big oil and gas companies here in Calgary, probably they were way ahead of their time.

They moved to a four-day [00:04:00] work week every second week. Um, and you didn’t have to put extra hours in or whatever prior. And, um, so it was a true day off, not just adjusted hours, but they, um, the, the, uh, Like half of the people in, it were like they were, they were so ticked off because it affected their vacation outcomes that, and so it was like, it wasn’t that it was a bad thing.

It was just that there wasn’t an understanding of, of, you know, there wasn’t good change management there. It wasn’t well communicated and what people actually wanted. Wasn’t like, that was a percentage that wanted that, but not the whole organization. And so. You know, your workplace won’t be the same for everyone, but you, you need to clearly define what these things are.

And I think that we underestimate the value of looking at individual currency. Like if I have an employee whose individual currency requires me to be flexible from [00:05:00] the perspective of being more forthcoming with compliments, that’s still flexibility in. You know, for that leader. And so it’s like, you’ll get the best from that employee.

Whereas maybe the other person wants a more hybrid or work from home option. Like when we talk flexibility these days, we always think. Time. Yeah. It’s not always about time. That’s a big part of it, but it’s not always about time, right. With everything that’s going back, you know, with mandates being lifted, depending on where you are, a lot of things are going back to, you know, what w you know, I don’t know if it’s a going, if the word the right word is going back, but I think there are some people are going back to work.

Some people might have some flexible in different things. Now, Christopher, you said this a couple of times, and I’m not sure if we defined it just in the. Of this conversation, this thing about flexibility being a currency. So, and you kind of alluded to it when it said it’s not just about time. So what exactly is that when you talk about flexibility, Yeah, I think let’s see.

Or I think that there’s a couple [00:06:00] of different ways of looking at it. I think, I think there’s, you know, everyone looks at it as time, but I would look at it in a, in several different ways. So currency is what we find value in and that’s what we’re saying here. So what, it’s, what people find value in. So, so like having a degree is a form of currency, right.

And in our world, because degrees are highly valued, rightly or wrongly, right. Individually. Right. That’s right. So, so, so there’s a few things, typically when we’re talking flexibility, these days, we’re talking behavioral, flexible flexibility, like, so w so a workplace flexibility. So this would be like looking at.

Um, you know, a hybrid work environment or do we lack flexibility, right? There’s some organizations in Calgary where we are no surprise, um, that that are saying no, everyone is back to work on March 1st, no hybrid work environment, period. You’re all back in the office. Uh, no masks, no whatever. And it’s just like, I just don’t think that that’s going to go well, especially during labor shortages, [00:07:00] uh, you say you’re not going to have a hybrid.

workforce, I’m going to say good luck, because I don’t think that you’ll be able to hire people or you’re going to have to ink. It’s not a, it’s not known for being a well-paying organization, although they could be. Um, but, but I expect that that, uh, they will have to change something, especially for their office worker.

So that’s behavioral flexibility where we’re looking at the behaviors of, of people kind of where they work, how they work. Another kind of flexibility that I was kind of alluding to before is what we call, um, uh, cognitive flexibility. So it’s about our leadership and our team members thinking differently, right?

Asking ourselves, can we assess a problem in a different way? Am I in my, like, am I saying no to this thing? So on our podcast last week, we talked about this manager that you had, who said. Who said, if I say yes to you, I have to say yes to everybody. And it’s like, well, if it’s what everybody wants and, and the impact to the organization is minimal, or [00:08:00] maybe it’s even a positive impact, then why shouldn’t it be?

Yes. What if I’m the only one asking, so then why can’t I have it? So like what if nobody else wants it? So, so, so cognitive, cognitive flexibility allows us to, to kind of think more flexibility, including team members. Like, I, I think sometimes team members and I, you know, I can speak for myself with this in my history where it’s like, you kind of get on your high horse about what you believe is right, but you’re not actually looking at what’s driving an organizational direction.

So. Flexibilities the other one. And then I think this is really important call because I, I really think when we talk flexibility, people are only thinking in terms of their time, but there’s so much more to it than that. Um, and, and then the third one is emotional flexibility. So, so this is actually about developing emotional quotient, right.

We need to become more emotionally flexible.

And actually becoming, and this is, this is not. This is not garbage science here. There was a meta analysis done on thousands and thousands [00:09:00] and thousands of studies about emotion and emotional intelligence and this and that. Um, both in corporations, outside of corporations, we need to become more emotionally flexible or emotionally granular.

Right? So emotional granularity is when you have labels for your emotions. And you can speak to them. You can say, Hmm, this makes me feel morose or despondent, or this makes me feel elated. Right. Being able to do that. It helps us connect with other human beings. And it creates a little bit of a situation where now we’re deconstructing the hierarchy and our mind, and we’re seeing each other as humans.

When some of these leaders are like, they have to see me up here as stoic and this and that and flawless and mistake free, but actually. Um, what you ended up doing is losing trust and disconnecting from your people. So their performance is poorer when you don’t have emotional flexibility. So emotional flexibility.

And on the flip side, there are some people who are hyper [00:10:00] emotional in the workplace. I worked with a woman. It’s just like, she’s like she just said, you know, I just need to process and cry and I just need my 20 minutes and then I’m good. And I’m like, I’m sorry, that’s not appropriate in every team meeting.

That’s not appropriate. That’s selfish. That’s a codependency. So if you need to do that, I have no problem with it, but go find a phone. Right. If you need to talk, then we can talk. But if that’s your process, you cannot hijack. That’s your you’re hijacking and people emotionally, every team meeting, that’s not appropriate.

So, and I’m like Mr. Emotional. So, so, so for me to say that, so I think that it’s important for people to focus on three forms of flexibility, behavioral flexibility, which would include. Uh, time or even bonus or, or, or salary structure or whatever, cognitive flexibility and emotional flexibility. You asked me a really simple question and I went on a tangent there because clearly this is something I give a shit about.

Totally. But I think [00:11:00] a lot of people, I think, default to time, right. When someone says to be flexible for the most part, the other thing too to recognize is that there’s, there is that flow between what. Potentially happened to someone either mentally, emotionally, right. Or just based on their, their time, because sometimes that rigidness doesn’t allow for growth.

Right. You know, and you, sometimes I, I use this expression. I know sometimes you have a different, you know, uh, Reaction to feelings with it. But I use it quite often with my families and friends and stuff like that. When it comes to break bread, you know, there was a day that we that’s how we cut bread. We broke bread.

You know what I mean? And, uh, somewhere along the line, someone came and said, do you know, you could slice this and you can get like more slices from this bread and dah, dah, dah. And I could see back in that time, some people were resistant. Some people weren’t as flexible with that. Cause they’re just like, why are you going to change it?

We’ve been breaking bread all day. Like why now you have to introduce something new. And we see that in relationships. We see [00:12:00] that in relationships, intimate relationships, relationship with colleagues, you know, your peers, your leaders, that sometimes we just want that flexibility to say, could we think about this differently?

Could we recognize that I may have a different emotional response to this? I agree with you. I think that there’s, you know, when I look at places where people might get stuck, where people might get stuck as like where there’s an organizational driver for certain reason, but, but the people in the organization aren’t aware of that.

And it seems unkind or unhuman for us to say that maybe it’s about money or it’s about the bonus for the CEO or whatever. And it wouldn’t be an appropriate thing to do necessarily because you’ll lose loyalty. But the truth is is that we all know that that’s what’s happening. And so from my perspective, it’s like, well, let’s focus on the targets.

Let’s focus on the targets and like make sure that the whole organization looks good.

Let’s focus on the targets and like make sure that the whole organization looks good. So I think leadership in order to have flexibility, they actually need. Like amongst their teams, they [00:13:00]actually need to be having more honest conversations and transparency where, where it’s not going to lead to something that’s litigious or, or liable.

Right. And, and I think that’s a big part of it because then we can start thinking flexibly. Around, uh, around what’s actually driving this, right? So it’s like, if this is the driver, if it’s a bottom line driver, then that’s the conversation we should have on the flip side, I think that employees can do a better job of recognizing.

Your bias is not your truth. And so it’s like start asking yourself the question, what might be driving this? Like, like if John, the leader is so rigid and blah, blah, blah, have you asked John the leader? You know, it’s like this, this seems like it’s a very fixed way of thinking. And it sounds important to you help me understand why there’s no flexibility in this, right.

Or help me under. What we can do to make this flexible or what’s at risk, if we are flexible. [00:14:00] Right. And I remember sort of cut you off there because I just remember a story. No, you’re not sorry. I know you’re not sorry. We do well sharing these stories. I remember when I was working with another senior leader and he was very clear that he wanted certain things happened and now I knew that it couldn’t happen.

I just knew that it, it actually is something that we just can’t do. I know the T. You felt about this particular initiative. And I just know, like, this is just going against what we do, but you know what, there were adamant about it. And I said, you know what, let me just be flexible. Let me find a way to make it work.

Right. Not my plan a, but let me find a way to make it work. Right. I’m not sure if you’re talking to me, I see your lips moving, but I’m not sure what was the, I was taking a sip of my coffee and so I muted my mic and forgot to mute it, but, well, what, uh, what was the initiative specifically that. Yeah. So the initiative was, they did not want to, when I was in tourism, they did not want to cut up a shift.

Right. They didn’t want it to be flexible for one group, but okay. For [00:15:00] the other group right now, we knew that was going to cause more of a burden in the operation around, well, if you’re going to do for one and not be able to do for this other, I could see how these two are going to be against each other.

Cause they’re going to feel a way that we’re putting it out there, that we’re causing them to be at fight at odds with each other, even though we’re the one who’s making these decisions. Putting them in a situation like that. So anyway, I said, fine. He was Kyle. Just, just, can you just go with it? Can you just find a way to make it work?

And I said, okay. I shared my viewpoint on it. I shared how, I don’t think it’s going to work, but I went back to the team. I said, guys, listen. And they looked at me and they knew that wasn’t my initiative. Selling it like, Hey guys, we need to try this. They knew, I knew enough about them to know this situation is not going to go over well.

And I said to them, I said, regardless of where this is coming from, could we find a way to be flexible to see how we can make it work? Because if it doesn’t work, like we think it’s not going to work, then we’ll have actual data reasoning situations that we can. Instead of, [00:16:00] we don’t think it’s going to work.

They didn’t want it to be flexible for one group.

We have a feeling it’s not going to work. We kind of half-assed it lasts, you know, four or five years ago. I’m just saying, if we’re really going to do this, I want us to really do it. I don’t want you to do it. Half-assed thinking I’m going to do it because someone else wants me to do it, but I know he’s got to go, like let’s truly find.

So I started to ask them because I said, if this was going to work, how best could we position? Which therefore allowed us to shift that mindset and go to a place where we could say, okay, if a was going to work, we would do that. That helped me. And it actually helps them because sometimes when you’re doing something that, you know, requires flexibility, but you’re not flexible in it, that can feel very.

Tedious and probably very difficult to get through. I think a hundred percent of our workplace problems come from having a fixed mindset and lacking communication. Yeah. I think when you look at your own mindset and how it’s contributing to a difficult situation, and then you go effectively communicate, I [00:17:00] think that’s when change happens, effective change happens.

Excellent. So what would some of the things that you would like to suggest for those folks who want to take an inspired action this week around recognizing those three areas of flexibility? What are some things that you think they could start? First thing is when you think about flexibility, stop talking about it as a term.

We tend to boil everything down to like a single, you know, flexibility is the new currency. Uh, great. What’s your social justice message then, right? Like, like stop doing that instead, or don’t stop, keep doing it. But, but whatever you do get really specific about what’s important to you and by the way, you don’t need to rally your team, um, into this.

You know, you don’t need to rally your teammates to agree with you. It doesn’t matter if it’s important to you. It’s important to you and that’s all that matters. So when you’re thinking about flexibility, I want you to think about cognitive behavioral and emotional flexibility. And I want you to sit down and identity.

Where is it that you would like flexibility [00:18:00] and be specific where in your behavior or time, where in your emotion, where, in your thinking, right? Where do you get in your own way? And where could you use some support from your teammates, your leadership, your organization, your family, and where can you maybe offer some of that support?

Oftentimes, Kyle, our problems are solved if we just think about them differently and sometimes it requires a letting go. Sometimes they’re going to let go of something that’s super important. Yeah, that reminds me of a Einstein quote. And I believe it’s some of the runs along the lines of, you know, you cannot solve a problem at the same way of thinking when you created it, you didn’t meet.

And so something has to shift in that. Yep. Agreed. And again, there’s a nice little meme, but w what does it mean for the problem that you, our listener are working with right now? What does that mean to you? What thinking are you using? Sometimes this is where you have to go find a coach, uh, you know, to help you think [00:19:00] differently to stretch your cognitive flexibility a little bit.

Is that it for us today, Kyle, this is it for us. And what I would say how you’d know you need to do what Christopher just said and suggested around that cognitive behavioral, as well as emotional. Find that you’re constantly hitting a wall. You’re constantly hitting a roadblock where you’re like, I thought this was gonna work and it’s not gonna work.

I thought this was, and you’re you feel like you really forcing it? That is the moment where you have to say, okay, let me slow this down and take stock at my cognitive flexibility. My behavior. Stability as well as my emotional flexibility. We’ll see you next week. Take care. It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help.

So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share a signer socials you’ve heard from us. Now we want to hear from you go to inspired action [00:20:00]podcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action you took this week? Next week on inspired action for imperfect humans.

Most workers listen to this being 92% think they have strong emotional intelligence, but fewer than 74% believe that their bosses do.

Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans – S4 E10: “Culture Should Be The Cornerstone of Corporate”

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 22 Mar 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Listen Here

“Culture Should Be The Cornerstone of Corporate” Brief Summary:

Are you taking an active role and participating in a positive culture in your workplace? Or are you complaining and contributing to a negative space? In this Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans podcast episode, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo discuss culture in the workplace, why it’s important to participate and foster a positive space, and why culture should be the cornerstone of any corporation!

“When it comes to culture, I think often employees forget the role that they play in contributing to that culture. And if you’re complaining about it, then you’re as much a part of the problem as your leadership is.”

Summary:

Introduction
Why it’s important to take a deliberate role in workplace culture
What should the bottom line be in fostering culture?
Why loyalty doesn’t matter
Fostering a dynamic culture
Your brand identity, and the corporate brand identity

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“Culture Should Be The Cornerstone of Corporate” Transcript:

[00:00:00] When it comes to culture, I think often, um, employees forget the role that they play in contributing to that culture. And if you’re complaining about it and you know, Kind of leading the way with it, then you’re you’re as much a part of the problem as your leadership is. This is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action.

Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans. Each week, we give you real life stories and thought provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life through your own actions. From the heart of Calgary Canada. Here are your hosts. Award-winning coaches Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo. Hello, friends and family.

You are here joining us on inspired action for imperfect humans. And I’m here with my nasty cohost Kyle Kalloo. I actually might be today because I’m having some technical [00:01:00] difficulties between my headset and my speaker. And I know how much you love to rag on me about, oh, you have to have your headphones and dah, dah, dah, dah.

So anyway, so I might be jumping in and out. If that happens, I’m a little bit slow to respond. Know, that’s the challenge. I wonder if you thought about coming prepared. I knew you were going to say that you’re going to say that you do not create a culture for me to really Excel. It’s all I’m saying. I’ll tell you what culture should be.

The cornerstone of every company and girl, if there’s one thing I have, it’s a cornerstone,

maybe a headstone I’ll take care of that for you.

You’re such a bitch. Um, oh man. Okay. Let’s talk about that for a second. Like what will we talk about? Can we talk about culture being the [00:02:00] cornerstone of every company today? Oh man. You know, I have this thing about culture, you know, and I know you, and I’ve talked about this many moons ago. I think you actually did a blog about the culture just being, Hey, it will happen.

I think that’s the thing that when we talk to our people, we work with, they don’t realize culture is already there in your organization. The question is, was it deliberate or not? Right? Yes. We’ve done a couple podcasts. Exactly. Have you done something to make that deliberate, but here’s the thing I find with culture is that.

It’s the responsibility. I believe of the leaders and the employees. It’s probably, you know, amongst many of the things, both of them actually work together to either create, I agree with you a hundred percent. I find when, when culture isn’t deliberate, it’s usually because leadership is saturated and sometimes they don’t know.

You know, but I find leadership saturated in the doing parts rather than the leading parts, [00:03:00]uh, is, is a big part of it. And I find that actually a lot of the employee base, um, tends to kind of complain about culture. Um, and listen, I’m like the ultimate employee advocate. I’ve coached over 2000 employees in the last 10 years.

Are you actively contributing to your corporate culture?

So, so I feel very confident saying this when it comes to culture, I think often, um, employees forget the role that they play in contributing to that culture. And if you’re complaining about it and you’re not kind of leading the way with it, then you’re, you’re as much a part of the problem as your leadership is.

Um, and I think if I can make one more point about this, I think people underestimate how much is driven. Particularly if, if you have a board of directors or shareholders, how much is driven by, by, um, keeping your shareholders happy and your board and board of director direction. Right? Like I think people underestimate that, which doesn’t mean that it has to be a bad culture.

I just think that people [00:04:00] underestimate that it’s. No, it’s because we’re not having real conversations. Right. It’s like, it’s like, well, we’re, we’re, we’re piecemealing bullshit together. When actually we should just say that is not the direction that the board of directors want to go in. It’s not good for our shareholders.

And it’s like, well, it shouldn’t always be about the bottom line. And it’s like, I agree with you. It shouldn’t. But I think when we acknowledged that it is almost always about the bottom line, then we can actually start to build a culture that takes the bottom line into account. And as a healthy, positive, amazing culture.

But if everyone in your company doesn’t know that we are here to make money first and foremost, number one and keep our shareholders happy, or the owner happy, then you are totally out of line with, with what’s happening. And, and it sounds really cold and cruel, but once you acknowledge that, then we can actually build a culture because it’s the truth.

Yeah. You know, what, if we step in, if we go that step deeper and go out the box a little bit, because I agree with you, uh, [00:05:00] financing, it’s a currency, it’s the bloodline for a lot of businesses, lots of employees. You need to pay your mortgage. You need to pay your rent. You need to pay your thing. We need that bloodline.

And I think the bottom line. Is when you take a little spin on it, it’s about actually culture. That truly is the bottom line, because if that is not working in unison, then how the hell are you gonna make this money? How the hell are you going to be engaged? How do you, how are you gonna do all these other things right now?

Interestingly enough, last week I actually did a workshop with a group and we were talking about the great resignation. Specifically. It was about a recent article that was published by McKinsey and company. Um, back in September of 2021, where it reported that because of the isolation, the uncertainty and the change about this pandemic with employees, they’re all craving human investment in the workplace.

Christopher. Here’s the thing. There is a talk about communication. There’s a disconnect between what the employers think is important to what the [00:06:00] employees think. And this report, really this survey, this research really identify that. So there’s no wonder there’s no surprise why the cultures are not succinct.

They’re not connected because if I’m the employer and here’s the thing that I’m finding in my experience is a lot of employers. Are so operationally D um, uh, divided they’re so operationally focused that they’re not people focus, whereas the people are people focus right. Blaming the employers, but I’m just saying take naturally to operation.

Yeah, it’s more than one factor. Sorry, I just got a comment on this. You said there’s a reason why it’s not succinct. I think, I think you meant synced that too. So yeah, there’s a, there’s a story that I want you to finish with that. I remember from your time working in tourism. But I, I want him to get into some of the stuff here.

That’s, that’s coming out in the research in terms of, um, [00:07:00] in terms of like culture being a cornerstone. And I’m going to tell you where some of it I disagree with. I’ll give you a one. So we talk about strengthening loyalty, but actually I don’t, I don’t agree with loyalty. I don’t think loyalty can happen.

When you’re trying to keep an owner or shareholders or board of directors, happy to hit certain number of benchmarks, which is crap. I wish that that wasn’t the way of the world, but it is the way of the world. We are predominantly capital at, well, okay. Hang on. I’m going to get a bunch of economists on here, blasting us.

Fulfillment is key in fostering positive corporate culture.

But, um, but, but instead of loyalty, I would actually focus on, on engagement, fulfillment and happiness. Right. Did you know that happy employees are 45% more productive? Like not surprising at all. So I would focus on engagement on growth, on opportunity. People are like, you know, I had somebody say to me, I’m throwing a council that I’m on.

It’s like, you know, at what point in time do, does the employee recognize that I pay them [00:08:00]to do something I said, but that’s the point though. You’re not focused on them doing something you’re focused on their time. And so focus on their. Deliverables, forget about loyalty. Cause loyalty is going to come and go.

It’s the flavor of the day. We’re loyal until we’re not look at what happened. It’s like how many people worked for 30 years? And then we hit our economic downturn and they get, let go before retirement garbage, garbage, and loyalty is dead focus on other things. Yeah. And I think this is where employee. Uh, leaders specifically gets really distracted with these operational things.

So based on that story, but you were just asking about the story of tourism. The one I remember to prove and illustrate this point around when we’re not focused on the right thing, which could really impact the cornerstone of culture. I worked with this other leaders now at the time I reported to this leader, you know, And people would always like from the frontline would ask about certain things.

Even I asked about doing certain things differently, either, you know, a process [00:09:00]procedure, or just fundamentally something we want to do differently. And her response usually what was the one ask that you made that triggered this? Uh, I mean, I don’t know if I remember, but there’s so many, right. There’s just so many things.

Can you give an example though? Cause I think our listeners would like to hear a specific example, something that you asked for and she was kind of like. ’cause I remember this story. Yeah. W w what was he asked? Do you remember what it was about me? He meant the story, but do you remember the deliberate ask it what it was.

Say it again. Or do you remember the deliberate ask? I did. Cause you know, I asked her a lot of things cause I tell you about this is what it was. Right. Okay. So there are some of the asks could be, Hey, you know what, our flexibility with the scheduling, um, some of it could be, you know, understanding someone’s going through something.

And I remember a time, we wanted. Um, someone’s, uh, training as you know, their, their annual training as a F um, I’m talking about specifically a flight crew that they would have to change their, their schedule. And this person [00:10:00] had a stagged where they need to change their schedule, but also this person had a history of changing their schedule all the time.

And. From our experience. If you don’t do your technical training in a certain period, then they go to another thing that you need transport Canada kind of jump in and do something else that goes with that. But anyway, they wanted to make the change. Now they had a legit reason for that change. And we were saying, is there something we can do?

Hi Hiro. There was a quick little picture of puppy puppy there. If you’re on YouTube. You could see his little face, my hands wants to be there, but, and then he doesn’t, he doesn’t want the intention back to the office. So, so I’m at home alone now. So the dogs is a hundred percent of my time and attention you’re going to have to coordinate it.

Could we make that exception for her?

So anyway, I was asking her to make this change based on the individual, uh, flight attendant need that, you know, she was explaining that she was going through something and, and we need to be able to make this change. And could we make that exception for her? Right. Is when we be able to do [00:11:00] it. And so. She made the comment, uh, about, well, if I do it for you, I have to do that for everybody.

And I looked at her after and I was just. Well, not everyone is lining up the door with the same situation. How, why can we not look at the individual need and recognize that? And normally that it wasn’t even the individual flight tends to really make an exception. We actually had a business decision. We had a company departmental process that was not serving the need of the frontline.

And so that’s where we needed to make that change, because although this was the one-off, I am sure that other people, and I said to her, what if other people needed that? So a lot of other people needed it. That’s the thing I think we get so stuck in our thinking that we’re not like, like we get so stuck in bias thinking, thinking that our default position is no, as [00:12:00] opposed to what’s behind that.

Is everybody asking, do you know what happens if I do do this? Does it set a precedent? If it needs to be an exception, how can we ensure that this person knows that this is an exception because of their unique circumstance? Right? And I w the, in that company, we saw some really horrendous things. And even in this situation when we went even further down, because of course, no, I was a dog with a bone and I wouldn’t let it go.

And so what ended up coming through it was where she was getting stuck was she didn’t know operationally how we were going to do it. And so, because it wasn’t clear for her, it was an automatic no, instead of understanding, you know what, this may be a cultural thing. This may be something or where people want and need.

Right. He’s such a spoiled puppy. That guy.

Um, so I, I agree. Sorry. He’s distracting me. Okay. So, so I agree with you. He’s going to start growing cause he just moved away and he wants to [00:13:00] be comfortable and have scratches. Um, uh, I think, you know, I agree with you, Kyle, I think, you know, and, and no fault to her. Cause to be honest with you, she was just doing what her predecessor said.

So it was kind of. You know, I think sometimes we need to find a way to, yes. And, and to do that, we have to understand, um, uh, other things. So we talked about loyalty, which again, I would focus more on engagement, engagement, involves people having autonomy, right. They need to have an opportunity to grow.

They need to know that they can grow. You have to check the paycheck box. Right. You have to make sure that they’re well fed, uh, autonomy growth and, um, purpose. Right. They have to have a reason for doing it. That goes just beyond kind of. The paycheck. Yeah. I mean, and I think as an organization, you have to also question are a lot of the practices, the policies or procedures does it actually play well with the rest of the organization, right?

Because you can’t say as a company, we really value, friendly caring [00:14:00] services, but our policies do not allow for us to be on. Right. Yeah, there are thing that’s coming out, uh, here, Kyle and, and some of these articles and stuff is talking about service above self. And I do agree with that. I do agree with that, but it’s interesting cause you and I heard an interesting talk recently about they versus I, and some of us are more, they focused so focused on being attuned to those around you and I focused being more focused on yourself and of course you need the balance to get two weeks.

I don’t mind service above self at all. I think that’s a really important piece when you’re working in any organization, but I wouldn’t say above self, I would say service for others and service for self, because I think we do a very poor job of ourselves as leaders, but also mentoring our team. To identify specifically what they want and ask for it.

Right. It doesn’t mean it’s always going to be a yes, but we should at [00:15:00] least be knowing what we want and asking for it. So, and when you have a culture that fosters that type of level of thinking and practice, that creates a dynamic culture. I totally agree with you. Kyle the third thing that’s in care, uh, that would be worth mentioning is kind of curating your brand identity.

So part of that is about company brand identity, and that should in these next 10 years include how you are going to appeal to, uh, to potential employees, um, because you want the best talent and your, your flavor is not going to be everybody’s flavor. But I also think helping people curate. Their own brand within the company.

What are you known for? What’s that unique thing that you’re known for that the organization cannot live without.

So like, like we do these haphazard resumes and people don’t think about it. It’s like, but what are you known for? What’s that unique thing that you’re known for that the organization cannot live without. And I think that what that does and, and leaders might be like, well, if they get so good at this, maybe they’ll go somewhere else.

And it’s like, they might go [00:16:00] somewhere else. I said, but if you help them curate that, you know what you’re going to do. You’re going to, you’re actually going to create, uh, dare I say it loyalty. You’re going to help them curate loyalty because they’re going to feel purpose. They’re going to feel purpose and why they’re there.

It’s like, you are my blank person. You are the person who does this. Right. And then allowing them to explore it and be flexible when they need to change. And, and that kind of thing. I don’t know. It excites me. It excites me where, where big corporate culture can go. If they just put a tiny bit of time into this and get some buy-in from their leadership, like it excites.

I mean, speaking of exciting, one thing I will always remember, and you, you hear me all the time, bring it up and no one can say anything bad about this company in front of me, which has. I grew up on McDonald’s learnt a lot from McDonald’s McDonald’s took risks with me. They took a chance on me. They mentored me to do, I mean, there weren’t perfect.

Any organization? No, one’s perfect. But there’s so many [00:17:00] cornerstone principles I learned from McDonald’s regardless of what you say about them, they did right by me and other people that I still fundamentally hold. Now McDonald’s was sure would love to have you work there forever and what have you, but they actually built me up so I can be better in other companies.

All right. Totally. You’re I’m about to make you happy sometime you guys, sometimes when Kyle’s coughing or coughing talking, I just do things like, like make sure that my pompadour is like nice and crisp, but a lot of culture make them laugh. Um, yeah. So, so Kyle, I’m curious, just kind of, as we’re wrapping up here, um, I’ll give you the final word.

What. It’s the bottom line here for leaders. And what is the bottom line here for, uh, uh, employees and team members in an organization? The main things from the live, from the leader, prospective leaders. I know you’re operationally task [00:18:00] saturated. I know folks above you, especially middle management folks above.

You’re telling you about the operational deliverables, I get it. Right. And there’s something that should be done for that. And we can help you with that. If you don’t know how to deal with those conflicting priorities, definitely reach out to us. But I would say shift. Some of your time into people, focus, shifts some of your time to your one to ones.

When you’re truly asking your people, you know, three things around, what can we do as an organization to make you feel valued? What can I do as your leader to make you feel valued? What can we do together to ensure that you have a sense of belonging. So that’s the leadership side of it from the employee side. This is where I would say, don’t wait for your leaders to meet with you.

You meet with them and share with them. What is one thing they can do or contribute as an organization to make you feel valued? What specifically do you want them to do as their [00:19:00]leader? You know, as your leader to make sure you feel valued. And what is the one thing you need to happen in the organization for you to feel a sense of belonging.

I am going to finish on a quick story here. That was the problem I ran into my, in my early career. I was so busy, focused on like the problem with this and the problem with that. But I wasn’t actually taking the time to sit down and ask myself the question. What do I want? And being specific with that ask, I think so often when team are disillusioned, they, they walk in.

More with kind of like problems. They walk in saying I’m overwhelmed. They walk in saying, no, the culture is a problem, but actually what they’re not doing is they’re not coming forward with one simple initiative that they could begin owning. That would make a huge difference. When you do that, it starts to change.

I remember our organization, we were working on a horrendous project that put a lot of people on mental health leave. Uh, when I was working in one of my previous organizations [00:20:00] and. Um, and they also decided that our project, it had nothing to do with this, but in addition to this horrendous internal software project, we were going to be the first ones to test the brand new Microsoft office suite, which was significantly different from the previous suites and, and, um, It was overwhelming for everybody.

I put my hand up and said, you know what? I think I know enough about this, that I could actually do some lunch and learns. So I started doing lunch and learns and showing people neat tricks that you could do with the software that created efficiency. It’s just, you had to think differently about it then how you thought about it now, right?

It wasn’t dropdown menus. It was using the ribbon that created such a sense of significance. Um, for them and for me that it, it kind of ease thing. So I think you have to go in specifically with things that you’d like to try and test and trial. So folks, that’s your imperfect inspired action for this week.

Looking forward to connecting with you next week, when we are going to talk [00:21:00] about a bar flexibility, being the new currency, it’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help. So if you love inspired action, please leave a review. Favorite podcasting app and share a signer socials you’ve heard from us.

Now we want to hear from you go to inspired action podcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action you took this week next week on inspired action for imperfect humans. This is really important Kyle because. I, I really think when we talked flexibility, people are only thinking in terms of their time, but there’s so much more to it than that.

Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans – S4 EP9: “It’s Not OK to Be Single at Work”

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 15 Mar 2022 17:30:00 +0000

Listen Here

“It’s Not OK to Be Single at Work” Brief Summary:

Are you single? Are you the one that is typically asked to stay late or work on last minute projects in the workplace, because you are single? Do you feel heavily discriminated against in the workplace because you are single? In this Inspired Action for Imperfect Humans podcast episode Christopher and Kyle tell their stories of being single in the workplace, and why “it’s not ok to be single in the workplace”.

“You know, where we saw this singlism come out fervently in the last two years? During COVID, because there were more exceptions made for people who were working at home with children.”

Summary:

Introduction
Being single in the workplace
Singlism; what is it?
An example of discrimination against a single person
The gender wage gap

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“It’s Not OK to Be Single at Work” Transcript:

[00:00:00] You know, where they saw, um, uh, this, this, um, piece of Singleton single or singleism come out, um, uh, fervently in the last, uh, two years was during COVID because there were more exceptions made for people who were working at home with children. Is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action.

Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans. Each week, we give you real life stories and thought provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life through your own actions. From the heart of Calgary Canada. Here are your hosts award winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence and Kyle.

Kalloo good morning to you. My dear.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. We’re starting. Good morning. [00:01:00] Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, boys, and girls, and anyone in between, or what have you welcome to another exciting week of inspired action for imperfect humans. And that’s kind of what we are. So can we just go back to how you started today’s podcast?

Well, yeah, I want it. I want to talk about this girl because you are single and you’ve been single for a long time. Like your whole life. You’ve had two long-term relationships, both of which were just absolutely miserable for the people involved with them. I was the best they ever had. Like, honestly, are you kidding me?

Are they dead now? Or no, they just can’t have good other, do you know, what’s actually going on. I just completed 13 years of being single.

Isn’t that crazy. You know what? Single looks good on you.

Oh man. Okay. Is everyone ready for today? [00:02:00] Sorry for your mother. Listen. It was my mother’s fault. She warned me and she told me that no one will ever be good enough. She warned me to be independent. She told me to do. To do everything myself. So I’m going to blame my mom on this one, even though that might be a little bit of stretch, but.

I, you know what I’m going to make her listen to this, and then we’re going to come for you because why you got her in this mix up and blenda, your pot, your pot to showing for those that don’t know, Kyle, explain what patois is and then tell them. I said to you. Okay. Um, patois is a, for those, it’s a Jamaican, you know, a dialect ish slang ish.

I think it’s its own language, you know, because it has the structure of all other languages. But anyway, it’s a, it’s interesting how people usually say, you know, it’s broken English or they’ll hear, you know, it’s Crow curl for something it’s, it’s, it’s always, you know, [00:03:00] um, interpreted differently. And what I think is interesting about even that phrase about being broken English, So Latin words can, an English words are derived from Latin, right.

But Jamaican Patois dialect is broken, right? Like, what is that about? But anyway, so it’s a Jamaican dialect. That’s commonly spoken in, uh, Jamaica, um, Patois. We usually refer to it as, um, and what Christopher just said when he says, you know, um, being caught in mix-up and blender, here’s the thing about Patois.

It’s such a very descriptive and funny word because it’s like metaphors and words jammed together almost. So the, the direct translation, when you say to someone, you know, I’m not into any mixed up on blender, you’re saying I’m not into. Anything that’s mixed, you know, like it’s mixed with different things, but they have to add the descriptive, um, thing about a blender, because when you look at a blender, what does it do?

It makes it right. [00:04:00] So if you’re in a mix up in blender, then basically you’re in a bunch of drama. Yeah, exactly. You’re caught up in this mix up in this blender. I love it. I just it’s. So sometimes I have to laugh at it, but anyway, speak, I can mix next week. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll teach you what mad puss piss means.

Oh, that one reminds me of your grandma. Oh, she loved when you said that, like I remember the first time you said it, we were in. At the time. Yeah. We’re at banff having lunch and like most things, you know, when you say hello and you know, how do you say hi? You know how to say hi, when you say hi to someone, what else comes right after?

Tell me, nah, tell him enough. Right? So it’s like, what’s up? Tell me what’s happening. Right. That’s the, like the direct translation and she giggled when you said that she was like, oh, because your pronunciation’s actually pretty good. Right. So, which is great. And you didn’t even actually even know. Trick to my [00:05:00] aunt a couple of times, because when you answered my phone, she thought it was me just by the hug.

You said it. So I thought it was great, but no, she and she got upset because cause, uh, cause she she’s like, I’m like what? And tell me now. And she starts going off about something and I’m like, why are you bothering me for sure.

She was like what? She was like, excuse me. She was not happy. It’s just like,

if you want to hear Christopher speak and learn more patois, . Please send us a comment. Let us know that that would be your weekly inspired action is to hear him speak. And that’s a given. To finish the conversation. And so when we were in banff having lunch, and you said, you know, something, you reacted to me, like your timing was impeccable.

It wasn’t, oh, here’s a new word. I learned you deliberately set it [00:06:00] in reference to something I said to you, I don’t even know what I said to you. And you’re like, you’re taking Matt drink. Mud was pissed. And she went off like she shopped. So I think we took a picture of that moment. Yep. I had to take a picture of that moment because she laughed so hard.

You know, that laughter when your eyes are closed and you’re just holding yourself and your face is literally just pulling apart in laughter. That’s what, uh, that’s what she did. So it’s a good memory. Yeah, it’s an interesting slide. Let’s go back to your epic single life because actually, okay. So I want to know grow.

I’m like right into it now. I can’t stop thinking about it. I was, I was actually thinking about this and in the workplace and, and granted, I haven’t been single for some time. Uh, now I’m entering year 10 of, uh, uh, being in a relationship. And, uh, I was thinking about this and actually I think actually being single in [00:07:00] the workplace is harder.

Being single in the workplace is harder.

Uh, interesting then than not. Yeah. Why don’t you tell us you’re a single person in the workplace aren’t you? No, I think that’s interesting because I wasn’t remembering cause for most of my life I had been single. I would say, I think I would honestly say for most of my life, of course. Well, it’s not just, it’s not just you it’s like God, Jesus, the universe, and everybody else would say for most of your life, you’ve been single.

You know what he does in gentlemen, he is undateable. And that’s a, that’s another story, but I want people to know it was a, it’s a, it’s a decision. It’s a decision to, to be single. And I mean, I think, and I often say to people, if you only know, it’s not like it’s an effort to stay single because there’s a lot of times you can get really caught up.

At least from my perspective, you can get caught up in that. But I was thinking about. You know my career and in the workforce. No, obviously he’s a little bit different, you know, own their own business and stuff like that. But in the workforce, I [00:08:00] think about when I was at McDonald’s, when I was at WestJet, when I was at all these companies, you know, there was always this hidden, you know, sometimes there were.

Um, expectations around, you know, you had to do more, right? Like meaning, you know, when someone says, Hey, I noticed you got Christmas off, like for whatever, how the schedule may have worked, or what have you, when I was doing kind of shift work, that would be like, well, I noticed you have Christmas off. Like, um, you’re single, you can work Christmas.

I mean, I’ve got kids and I’ve got a family, right. Or, Hey, who wants to be on call? Cause sometimes I was in a certain role that we had to be on call like for after hours type of stuff. And it was always looked upon me to, to take the calls right. To be the available person, um, because their rationale as well, you know, I have a family and I want to spend time with your family.

And I was just, and for the beginning, I just did it because I’m like, I start to believe that as being single, I should be the one that was kinda my experience with it. You know, it’s really [00:09:00]interesting actually, when I was single, it was, it was. Uh, very much the same, like I would be in a meeting and maybe Jennifer Thomas would say, you know, fake names, but Jennifer Thomas would, you know, it’s like, okay, like, like we need someone to do this.

It’s got to happen tonight. There’s a board meeting tomorrow. Or, you know, this is what it is. And they’d be like, oh, like my kid’s got soccer or, um, You know, or, or whatever. Right. And, and, um, and then they’d kind of look at me with this sort of like desperate, passive, aggressive look saying Christopher, as a question, like, will you do this?

Like, we know that you’re single. And so I do like, like it’s, it’s actually pretty amazing to me. I think there’s a lot of unfairness in the workplace and I think it’s natural that we would do this as human beings. Um, but actually Kyle there’s an interesting article here that I came across. Um, and, and it’s called the many ways single people are treated [00:10:00] unfairly at work and it’s by Bella DePaulo.

And so she sort of coined this term. Singlism. Oh, um, and, and sort of there’s unfair expectation. So, so this comes in all sorts of, you know, like it comes in all sorts of forms, but I think what people need to understand, and it’s like, like discrimination and, and, and discrimination bias and all this stuff that exists wherever you go, smokers, get more breaks than non-smokers.

Smokers get more breaks than non-smokers.

Yeah, right. They do. And, and so it’s like, non-smokers should take more breaks, you know, like that’s the solution to this, right? Some, some places in the world, although you don’t get it in Canada, because it would be an additional form of discrimination. Um, although it’s kind of like, well, which way are you discriminating?

Right? Like smokers get more breaks. But, um, uh, but in other countries they’re giving smokers an extra day off. Or, sorry, non-smokers an extra day. Like, like someone went and calculated. This is how much time off, uh, non-smokers should get. So they get a couple of extra [00:11:00] days or something because that’s how much smokers would take on average throughout the year in terms of breaks.

And so in Canada, that would be considered a form of discrimination against a smoker, whereas. Country. It’s a form of discrimination against a non-smoker if you don’t give them the break the extra time. So, so, so I think when we look at singleism, it’s important to look at this both ways, but certainly, um, there’s some really obvious things.

So, so a single people do cover for for other people at work who are not single or who don’t have kids or a spouse. Right. Like what I was saying, right. The whole vacation. Exactly. So. This has been shown, um, and, and. So, so here’s what she says. Uh, DePaulo says what’s interesting about this is that in the 21st century, people will ask it totally unselfconsciously and unapologetically for a single person to stay and work.

Um, and that includes the most progressive and open-minded people, people in [00:12:00] the intellectual Vanguard who would never in a million years see themselves as being unfair to other people, but we are doing it. Right. So it is a form of prejudice. One of the things that she suggests, Kyle actually is replace the word, um, uh, in your mind.

Um, you know, if, if you’re not saying it out loud, replace the word single with the word gay and, and then see how it lands. Yeah. It’s like, it’s like, well, well, like, Hey, you’re gay. Um, why don’t you come in tonight? Um, So, so my nice hetero employees can go home early. Um, you know, you’re gay, so, so, um, you don’t need to be paid as much.

And actually this is one of the ways that singledom is being, is being treated as that. Um, Is that they’re, they they’re seeing that, that single that, okay, this is suspected. It’s not for sure, [00:13:00]but there’s, there’s a marriage bias where people with kids require more. And so, um, and so the replacing of the word.

For an awareness piece. Sorry, can we go back to that? Yeah, that’s exactly it it’s like, it’s like, if you don’t think you’re being unfair, replace that thought you’re having about the single person with something like gay or because you’re pregnant or because you’re a woman replace it with something like, or because you’re black or Asian replaced single with that and then see if it still lands.

Okay. Um, um, but actually they, they are seeing it, um, Uh, or, or they think they’re seeing it. So there’s more research that needs to be done, but they think they’re seeing it in pay as well, where there is a marriage and child bias where people who have kids, um, are sometimes getting paid more, uh, to cover home costs.

Right. That’s interesting. That’s an interesting point. Cause I I’d be curious how many people factor that in. So if you were that person, either recruiting HR [00:14:00] or that senior leader, when you look at your team, do you factor that in? Do you say, well, this guy has more, you know, um, Income or, you know, things to do other things.

Right. And then although, or this guy has 3, 4, 5 kids. Do you factor that in or he has a stay-at-home wife or a stay at home husband or what have you, do you actually factor that in or do you just look at the pay scale for the sake of the pay scale? Well, well, and that’s what they should be doing, but we know that sometimes it’s happening sometimes it’s not like there are people who argue with.

Women are paid less than men.

The, um, the gender wage gap right now. And actually there’s a lot of proof and social research that suggests that the edge edger, the, the gender wage gap does not exist, but we know literally on paper, women are paid less than men. What they’re, what they’re attributing it to is. Leave the workforce to have children, right.

Or maybe take care of a parent or whatever. Um, when you look at the comparison, women are about where this is the argument. I’m not saying it’s [00:15:00] my argument, but women are actually paid fairly for their experience. So if you took a two year break, you would be paid the same as a woman was. But to me, That’s still a gender wage gap because the only people who can have children are women.

So it doesn’t, it doesn’t make sense. Like it doesn’t make sense to look at your executives. The very few that are, that are female are not paid the same in a lot of cases. So any way to meet this is the same. Like I think I would be interested to see more research on the, on the, on the salary, um, you know, where they saw, um, Uh, this, this, um, piece of Singleton Singleton or singlism come out, um, uh, fervently in the last, uh, two years was during COVID because there were more exceptions made for people who are working at home with children.

And I’m not saying we shouldn’t have made the exceptions. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have made [00:16:00] the exceptions, but, but it’s like, you could see this going both ways. It’s like, so should the single person get a higher bonus because they worked more should. And it’s like, should they work more? Like, I, I, I don’t know how we make this fair.

I don’t know how we make it fair, but I think there is something about being conscious to. You know, be aware of it. Yeah. Like most things I think like we’ve been talking even from a previous podcast with Dede, uh, about, you know, our, um, the subconscious, the biases that we do, you know, the policies we have.

And I think like most of the. We’re not saying these things should never happen. We just seen for the most part, are you even mindful of it? Right? Because like I said, every time I would see a schedule before and whatever reason it’s because they’re usually saying, well, Kyle has worked like four or five Christmases in a row.

So someone along the line says, Hey, let’s give him a break. But then like clockwork, as soon as that gets posted or published, or it’s aware like four or five of those folks who have families say, [00:17:00] Hey, right. And I know there, I, and I know it’s not that. They don’t necessarily care. At least I’d like to think it’s not that they don’t care about me.

All this other stuff I understand from their perspective is like sure would be great for us to kind of have that together and also travel travel is the other thing. I was always expected to travel away for business right. More. I was usually asked first, Hey, do you mind going to that meeting? Hey, do you mind go checking that up?

Hey, right. And sometimes that can, I think, answer issues, other people who. That I either favoritism agree. I was just going to say, I think that puts people who are married with children, uh, at risk for being discriminated against too, because some of them want that travel. Like, I don’t know. I don’t know that there’s a way to make it fair, but I think we need to be conscious of it.

So as we kind of look to wrap up here, Kyle, I think one of the things. I say as an imperfect inspired action, as I think as a leader or as an employer, this is something that you need to bring to your attention and [00:18:00] maybe try to Paulo’s um, uh, tactic here of replace. It was replaced. What you’re saying was something else and see if you feel gross about it, in which case, you know, you may be discriminating.

And w and I think just being conscious to it, it’s like, you know, it’s like, I don’t want to ask this person first because they’re single. Am I asking them first? Because they’re single, right. Um, or vice versa. I might ask him because they’re married with kids or am I giving a higher exception because they have kids at home, you know, which negates the mental health issues of somebody who’s literally been isolating for nearly two years with no contact.

Because they don’t live with anybody. Like, like, you know, they don’t actually have a family to have support with there’s nobody in their house supporting them. So, so the other thing I would say is if you are that single person, I think you need to decide what kind of life you want to have. So, so don’t say, well, I’m single and I can get.

If you’re [00:19:00] uncomfortable doing it, your appointment to go to yoga or to your doctors, or to just sit on your butt and watch TV, if that’s what your appointment is, is just as important. And, and certainly in our country, we’re lucky enough that you do not have to disclose. You can just simply say it won’t be possible for me.

I have an appointment this evening. Yeah. And that’s just the nature of it. Yeah. And the thing, the third thing I would add to that and a final comment is just engage the other person. Right. Just find out what do you usually like to do and hopefully before you need them. Right. So it’s one of those things where if you’re engaged in this conversation before Christmas, so by June, July, or whatever you’re saying to someone, Hey, I’m actually curious, what do you usually do for your holidays?

Like understand that because they may say, oh my God, the summers are all it for me. And for you, you may be like, wow, I, I don’t actually, I prefer to work in the summer. So then you could maybe work on a trade off, so to speak that’s valuable instead of starting the conversation, Hey, you don’t have [00:20:00] a family.

Um, you know, because think about how that sounds too, like you were saying, right? It’s like, yeah, I don’t need to be reminded that I’m single or I may not need me to remind you that we’ll have a family cause I love being single, but for some people they may struggle with. No, the thing is though, Kyle, I think that it’s more passive than that.

I think it’s, it’s unconscious bias and people don’t realize that they’re actually making decisions based off of somebody’s marital status. Like, I really do believe that like, like I, I think it’s unconscious. I really do. Um, you know, it’s just like, and, and then the question is like, do you answer the question?

Like if you’re having a casual conversation with somebody and they’re like, oh, do you have kids, Christopher? It’s like, Well, no, but I don’t know that. I want to tell you that like, like, you know, cause it’s like, what are you going to do with that information once, you know, like, you know, I know, I know most of the time it’s, it’s, it’s innocent.

Right? I know most of the time it’s innocent, but, but you, you know, every piece of information starts to create form a picture [00:21:00] in somebody’s mind and people form. Like, like everybody on here, if you want to know what this is, like you ever been in that position with your parents, where they still think you’re that teenager, because you’re responding to something in a certain way and they feel like they have to parent or whatever, this is exactly it.

Your parents have an unconscious bias. Yeah, because they saw you growing up, you also have an unconscious bias about them because who they were when you were a teenager or a child. Right. And, and so this is the same thing. Everything we know about, someone starts to form a picture and we create unconscious bias.

So I think it’s just really important to speak up for yourself and find those words and just, you know, and, and I think simple is better, right? It’s just like, no, I won’t be able to commit to that tonight. I have plans, um, You know, or I won’t, you know, it’s like, I won’t be able to, um, like it won’t be possible for me.

I’ve got an appointment and that’s, it, it won’t be [00:22:00] possible. So folks, I thank you for listening to another exciting week. We’re always curious about hearing about your imperfect inspired action. So use our social media, you know, we’re really trying to focus this year on building a community and a following.

So share like subscribe, do what you need to do and just followers 10,000. That’s exactly the goal. 10,000 downloads. Yeah. 10,000 downloads we want for this year. So we’ll see you next week. Take care. Bye. We need to give them up. Uh, we’re close 38, 25. I’m going to have to cut you off there. We’re out of time.

It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help. So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share us on your socials you’ve heard from us. Now we want to hear from you go to inspired action podcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action.

This week, [00:23:00] next week on inspired action. If I do humans, when it comes to culture, I think often, um, and employees forget, the role that they play in contributing to that culture. And if you’re complaining about it and you’re not kind of leading the way with it, then you’re, you’re as much a part of the problem as your leadership.

Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans – S4 E8: “Fear of Failure – Is It Real?”

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 18:30:00 +0000

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“Fear of Failure – Is It Real?” Brief Summary:

The fear of failure, is it real? What is fear of success and how is it different from a fear of failure? In this Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans Podcast episode, hosts Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo discuss the fear of failure, whether it’s a real thing, and give some tips on how to succeed in life, career, and leadership.

“There is no guarantee of success and people should know about that first and foremost.”

Summary:

Introduction
Are you afraid of success? Or afraid of failing?
What is fear of success?
The symptoms of fear of success
When you’ve failed, and getting back on the horse
Redefining success

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“Fear of Failure – Is It Real?” Transcript:

[00:00:00] You can do all sorts of things. And there is no guarantee of success and people should know about first and foremost. Like do not think because you manifest it because you pray because you work hard, hard work doesn’t even necessarily lead to success. Is the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action.

Good morning, Kyle, how are you doing today? I’m living my best life today. Are you really? You know, even if it’s, sometimes don’t feel that way. Uh, that’s the mindset I like to kick it off with because I’m more likely to move in that [00:01:00] direction that if I wake up on the side of the bed and says, listen, I’m miserable and everything in anything is going to be a problem.

Oh, I wonder why, where did that come from? I don’t know. I just think it’s, it starts, you know, I, I, I did this blog, um, many years ago and I think I’ve seen stuff about it. Um, Uh, later on, but one of the things about wins, you know, and we’ve talked about many wins and you know, some of the stuff that we’ve done, but one of the main thing I say to myself is the first win is I get out of bed and I make my bed.

I start my day by making my bed.

And I think I saw there was a, you know, a YouTube video with this army guy says, you know, that’s like, make your bed, get up and make your bed. I mean, I was doing that since I was quite young. Uh, not because the school required us to, but my own, my mom, but it was always about making your bed not. The mind frame I want to get up with is I start with a win and I want to get to a, how do I start this day off?

Right. And I think the mindset of living [00:02:00] my best life, even if, sometimes I don’t feel it or it doesn’t start that way. I really liked the direction that it goes. So that can be a little bit like. I don’t know, like, like I I’ve come to this place of like, I don’t like summarizing a life concept into a sentence or a meme, and I think I’ve become distasteful of it because you see so much of that.

I haven’t been on Facebook in months and I decided to go on Facebook on the weekend. And just scroll through. I mean, I was shocked at how divisible it is, like, like, like shocked, not shocked, but just like, like people who I respect have taken a really narrow perspective and there’s not enough thinking in shades of gray.

And so, and, and so. Like when you talk about the army guy and how making your bed leads to success. One of the guys I know was making $350,000 a year in us funds and never made his bed ever. And I asked him, I’m like, [00:03:00] why, why didn’t you make your bed? Like, he’s like, cause I’m just going to mess it up. I’m like, but like you don’t ever make it.

She says, no, I’m just going to mess it up. Yeah. And okay. So the measure of success in that case, it’s like dollar amount. Right. But, but I look at that and it’s just like, you can’t say that people who make their bed, are more successful, like success is so funny, but because it’s perception. So it was kind of thinking about people in the workplace today and boys and girls.

You’re not going to believe like w we were recording another podcast just a few minutes ago and I had to shut it down. Girl, at least I was thinking about people in the workplace. Kyle wanted to talk about how the fact, you know, the fact that he’s still single. And, um, I know why. And again, speaking of success, maybe being single is successful for me.

Oh. Because, so I don’t know why you need a whole podcast therapy session. [00:04:00] And I think sometimes based on what you just said, You know, sometimes it is somewhat subjective, right? And so I think if someone making their bed puts them in a mind frame or a mindset of success for themselves. Absolutely. Instead of those people.

Taking the recipe and says, oh my God, I can’t believe I’m not successful. I was making my bed for like 15 years, 30 years. How come I’m not successful? I think that’s a, I think that, I think that’s my point is that, is that I think that we take a statement like that. Like you can do all sorts of things and there is no guarantee of success and people should know.

First and foremost, like do not think because you manifest because you pray because you work hard, hard work doesn’t even necessarily lead to success. So I think there’s two things going on. I think when we look at like fear of success, the first question is that, is it a real thing? And then the second question is what’s it [00:05:00] based off of?

So here’s, here’s what I want to say. Success is completely defined by the individual. And I think too often we’re taking a societal standard of success. But fear of success is a real thing. It’s just, I think when I work with my clients, I hear clients say I’m afraid of being successful. And so we start to explore what that means.

Do you have a fear of success, or a fear of failure?

And I would say 90% of the time, they’re actually just, uh, afraid of failing, which is not a fear of success. They’re actually afraid of failing, which is a totally different thing. So I think that people need to be really conscious and not habitual in their language or in their thinking around this. So, Kyle, what do you think, should we break down what the fear of success is?

Yeah. I mean, I’m curious what, what you have on the other side of that, because when I hear the word, you know, fear of success, you know, I actually go to the place. What you just described [00:06:00] was more the fear of failure. Right. And it’s almost what you, sometimes we hear from clients as well is when they, um, what was that other term?

They, I hear quite often about, um, The term about someone feeling imposter syndrome. Is that the right? And I think when somebody says, Hey, I feel like I have imposter syndrome. And I also go to the fear of failure too. Right. When I hear those two terms, for whatever reason, you know, and you know, it reminds me of a workshop.

I think you did many moons ago. Uh, I think you still do it, but I remember when. Did it were, you did the diagram around, you know, failure, you know, like we think success is this, this one little dot this bull’s eye right on this dart board. Like, it’s just this one little thing, you know, um, and fear is all over it.

Right. And all failures. Yeah. Failures all over it. Right. Like people just don’t want it. And I think of it as successes as actually. Things around it. Like there’s so many successes and they all [00:07:00]lead up to certain things. That’s from my perspective where I, yeah, I agree. I think if people were more narrowly defined fear, sorry, girl, you got me all screwed up.

Now, if people narrowly define failure, your opportunity for successes greater. So, so the idea is that you kind of hack your brain and you see. Successes, all of these other things, but failure is only specifically this like failure might be just, don’t make an attempt where success might be everything where you make an attempt.

And I would say that that’s the ultimate, because, because when you’re afraid of, um, uh, what, when you, when you define success really narrowly, that’s your best chance at failing, right? And, and in life, there are no guarantees. So it’s kind of like if you’re learning to ride a bike, We think success, get on the bike and go and have no accidents issues or whatever, but avid bikers know that doesn’t matter what age there [00:08:00] can still be.

Mistakes. Your foot is going to slip off the pedal sometimes. Misjudge how steep the hill is. You might have to get off and walk sometimes, you know, like, like, so if we define successes, just like get on and go. Our likelihood of having psychological defeat is really great. So the idea actually is to flip it on its head and say, You know what I really, uh, think that failure is just not getting back on the bike.

That’s my only failure is just not getting back on the bike. So I’m just going to keep getting back on the bike. The rest of life is the same, and I wish that people in organizations would, would. Would actually perceive their careers a little bit more like that. I wish leadership would perceive their team a little bit more like that.

You know, I, I wish that, um, teams would perceive their leadership a little bit more like that. Um, especially when it comes to difficult conversations, which you and I spend a lot of time talking about on this podcast. So Kyle let’s define. [00:09:00] Uh, fear of success. So basically this is like, it can lead to like, self-sabotaging, that’s one of the things that people do, but, but it’s really important to understand some of the specific criteria.

So, so there, there’s a handful of bullets here that I want people to pay attention to. They can use it as a little bit of. Uh, a self-assessment. Okay. Um, fear of success can include getting extra attention, but actually you’re shy or uncomfortable with the spotlight. Right? So some people will kind of shy back.

That can be a fear of success because we do tend to spot like people who. Who are achieving or whatever, which brings the thing back. It’s like, it’s like, Hey, you’ve had a success. This is for leaders. You’ve had a success. How would you like me to acknowledge this? Because my nature would be to give you public recognition.

Is that something that. Some people do not want that. That’s funny. And [00:10:00] I liked that. You’re suggesting it’s about checking in because as you and I know we have many different styles of people in the world, and some people want the public validation, right? The want, the recognition that goes with it. And some people don’t just your leader, acknowledging, Hey, I saw that is for some people like amazing.

Success sometimes brings isolation.

Totally. The other thing, uh, that sorta comes with this, Kyle is that sometimes success brings isolation. Yes. So I know my most successful times, it was interesting early in my career. I had a leader who often. She would kind of single out people who are highly successful and, and, and often she would do it when, um, there were sort of on her side, like if they understood her point of view or whatever.

So what was interesting actually is that it was totally isolating because I became a favorite. Um, and so, and then you look at people who are highly, like, look at people who win millions of dollars. They often [00:11:00] lose their friends. Right. Because there, because it is a. You know, there’s a separating your thinking changes when you have money to spend and versus when you don’t.

Yeah. And I think people around you also tend to do that. I remember when I was younger in my, in my leadership role and I just thought I was just doing that work. And then they’re like, oh, look, who do you think you are? Do you think you’re the boss? Now? You think you’re the new supervisor? And I also struggled with that in the beginning.

Cause I’m thinking. I was just trying to do better work. Like I wasn’t, how do I outman you like, you know, I didn’t climb up on these high horses. Like you notice everyone who says get off your high horse. I say, you put me here. I didn’t actually climb up on any horse. Right. You’re the one who’s putting me up here.

Feel you have to knock me down. Right. And I think so. I agree with you the isolation, cause there’s times where, and I’ve often said leadership is a lonely gig, right? Because it is your leadership. I think [00:12:00] it’s not just leadership. Okay, let’s redefine this. I think leadership requires sometimes thinking in the contrary and it requires sometimes waving the flag, even though you don’t want to.

And so that when we talk leadership in that context, we’re talking about a mindset and a behavior. It’s not necessarily by title boldly and even athletes. I’m sure the ones who are up there as well. Cause they doing the work they’re practicing. They’re, they’re actually out there as well. And I think that could happen amongst.

Athletes right there team one seems to be pushing further or doing more where the others like, well, dude, like seriously relax, right? Yeah. So you actually, when you started that comment, you were talking about isolation, but you moved into the next bullet unknowingly, which is actually achievement can alienate your peers.

Uh, absolutely. As well. So, so yeah, I, it’s interesting. Um, some folks, uh, are very comfortable with bragging or self promotion, but if that’s not, it. Folks might think that you’re bragging or self promotion. [00:13:00] I can tell you that this is one of the key bullet points that I coach people on is that they’re afraid people, especially in Canadian culture, it seems people are afraid of being better than their peers.

Um, and they don’t like, like, there’s this thing of like, well, I don’t want people to think differently of me. And it’s like, that’s because you think differently of people who are in that position. I remember there was a woman, uh, she knew what she wanted in life. Uh, coaching her for a number of years. She knew what she wanted in life.

She went out and got it. She was very, you know, I, I think marriages or contracts, she knew what she wanted. She, she wanted to marry somebody who was successful. She wanted to have financial freedom through that avenue. Um, it, it was an agreement. It was an understanding. It was an arrangement. Certainly there was love there.

She knew what she wanted.

Um, you know, but, but also it’s like she set her sights on it and I know some people think that’s really shallow, but I’m like, but that was success defined on her terms. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it because some people only go for [00:14:00] the best looking person. Some people only go for the kindest person.

Some people only go for, you know, some people are reachers and summer settlers. And so. Kind of what you desire. And so, so I, I, you know, I look at this woman and she had achieved it, but, but she wouldn’t go and live the life she wanted to live because she was so afraid because all of her peers were kind of like just above minimum wage workers and, you know, and that kind of thing.

And she was really afraid of being perceived a certain way by them. Um, so, so I think, I think that that’s a really, really important, uh, piece. Um, I think, uh, Oh, so, so the next bullet point here is, uh, people fear being knocked off the pedestal. So they’re afraid if they achieve it that lose it. Yeah. Yeah.

That makes sense. And you know, I come from the school of when you grew up without it, you already know what that’s like. So if you lose it, you can go back through it. Like if you’ve created [00:15:00] it, you can. Right. Well, I think there’s this remembering piece. It’s like, well, you won’t be on a pedestal the whole time anyway, because girl, it all comes to the end.

Like even if it’s just by the, you know, mere inevitability of your death, it’s all coming to an end. Like you will not be on the top forever. Look at history, looking every single person in history, nobody got to the top stayed of the top without whatever their whole life. It just doesn’t happen. Yeah. I remember, sorry to interrupt you there.

I remember in school when I often said,

um, uh, I’m just doing what you do well, um, but one of the things I say is when you get an A, like, think about the school system, when you get an A, I find it was harder to hold onto an A than it was to hold on to a C or a B, right. Because, you know, The standards, a little bit of higher thinking peaking about pedestal.

It’s a little bit higher. Cause you have to do so much more, [00:16:00] you know, expectations seems to be formed around you either by your peers or the teachers, right. Or about saying, Hey, and sometimes you’ll even hear it back. You know, you’re an, a student I expected more from you, you know? Yeah, those are the language that seems to form a lot of things in and people do that.

Well, maybe your expectation is misplaced because sometimes I’m going to be a B student, whether it’s in school or somewhere else in life. It’s amazing to, yeah. Like when you kind of look at grit factors and stuff like this and the marshmallow. Experiment in the longterm effects of that. There is very little correlation between grades and success in life.

What is the marshmallow experience? Is that with the kids, with the don’t eat the marshmallows. Yeah. Don’t eat the marshmallow, but, but the guy who originally did it actually followed these kids like 20 years later and looked at success factors and those who could delay the eating of the marshmallow tended to have better success factors.

And so I suspect that there’s a whole bunch of holes we could poke into [00:17:00] that, but I think there’s something here. Patience and, and delayed gratification. Totally. Um, so I, I have, um, uh, two more bullets here. Uh, success may not be all it’s cracked up to be. I want to comment on this one. When I started coaching, I thought I’m going to be Tony Robbins.

Like, that’s what I want. I want that level of success. And then I look at his life and, um, Not a chance in hell. I don’t want his life. I don’t want, like, I don’t need to have my entire life taken over by marketing, advertising and promotional people. Like, sir, he’s got some money to play with, but I don’t, I’ve never desired that much money.

And I think that. People have a disconnect, like, like it’s like, w what’s that money going to do for you? Like, like you just going to buy more stuff. And then what, like, I I’ve been down that path that I already know that money doesn’t buy happiness. There’s a reason why I walked away from a six-figure job to make peanuts in that first few years as [00:18:00] a life coach.

Like I think that people need to recognize that success may not be all it’s cracked up to be. You know, if you’re climbing that corporate ladder, look at your leader and look at your leaders leader and see how they spend their time and ask yourself that if that’s how you want to spend your time, because that would be inherent in the culture of the company.

Um, and then. Uh, sometimes, uh, people fear that success might change them and not for the better. And I do think that that’s true. I think that there’s certain levels of success that when people hit it, they see the kind of like, like there, there there’s a commitment level that has to be maintained. I look at like famous YouTubers and it’s like, people do not understand how hard they work.

Like, and, and it’s like, do you know how many likes and, and this and that, you have to get. In an already saturated market to have success in that field. And people don’t understand. It’s like, I actually coached one. She, um, uh, she, you know, she may very, very good money, [00:19:00] um, 30, 40, $50,000 a month, but literally they would have to film for like, Oh, I don’t know.

Sometimes they would have to film 10 days, like eight to 16 hours a day to get a 15 minute video.

Um, sometimes 10 days, like eight to 16 hours a day to get a 15 minute video to get a 15 minute video. And if people didn’t like it, like, it’s sorry, filming and editing and music and sound effects. And so not just filming, but it was like, They would typically do eight to 10 hours of footage for, for a 10 to 15 minute, uh, video.

And, and it was just like, people, people don’t understand like how much work is involved. So it’s like, you know, so, so I think it’s, um, there’s another term here, Kyle called success, anxiety or success phobia. Um, sometimes achievement phobia is what it’s called, but I think people misplace it. And I think it’s important when they look at it to really dig around.

Um, to find out if you, [00:20:00] if you, if you just have a fear of failure or if you actually have a fear of success, because I think that people use language habitually and they don’t really understand. I want to give the folks some symptoms here. So this is, these are some of the symptoms, like here’s some of the behaviors, um, having low goals.

So you set the bar low to keep yourself from being challenged procrastination, right? And by the way, these are not. These are not just associate, like, don’t say why procrastinate and have low goals. So I’m afraid of success and it’s like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got to look at the picture and then kind of dig in a bit.

This is where having a coach can be really helpful. Uh, perfectionism, you strive for perfection when you inevitably. Uh, fall short. That’s reason enough not to proceed girl, that one I fall, I fall into all the time. It’s just like, it’s like, uh, like every time you and I do this in our business, don’t we like every time we’re about to do a new initiative, my brain immediately goes to, but if we’re successful at this, then [00:21:00] who’s going to maintain it.

And my default is Christopher’s going to maintain it. Cause I’m a little bit picky about how things are. Right. Um, quitting just when you’re on the verge of success. So you find a reason to quit. How many people are like one semester away from university degree, you know, like so many, uh, and self-destructiveness.

Some people will actually turn to self destructive behavior. I mean, and I think, I mean, tell me if I’m wrong, but I think some of our. Habitual stuff that we do, we tend to fall into. Right. So if it’s a new territory and we haven’t explored this yet. And do you find that the behaviors that we’ve created in the past, we just say, you know what, because that’s the thing where people like, oh, I was doing so well and like, boom.

And then just because they fell back or I fall off the horse or, you know, uh, went back to a behavior. That’s not working for them. They feel, you know what, that’s it, since. You know, gone [00:22:00]back to it. Uh, I I’m done. It’s almost like, you know, those folks in, uh, alcohol anonymous. Right? Do they do that where they’re like, listen, let’s start again.

Right? So you may have lost the chip or whatever. I’m not as familiar with it. So don’t, don’t come from me. Anyone who, who who’s in that. But I think what I like it. You could start again. I know we talk about that in our, you know, in the healthy transformation program around, you know, when we go off on our diets or we have a weekend or a day of bad food, you know, it’s not about I’m done now.

You can learn from failure, and start again.

See, I went, I had chips I’m done instead. It’s like, you know what? Today’s a new day. Right. So I could start from today moving forward. So that last point, just as what hit me there. W what do you think the imperfect inspired action needs to be? You know, I think from my, from my perspective, I’ll share with you guys is about the redefinition of success, I think is just putting that out there in your own mind of what are some things that are successful.

And, you know, I often talk about it. Doesn’t have to be step [00:23:00] six, right? The first step could be. Ruminating about it in your mind, or imagine certain things. And I think we have to redefine what successful look like. Like when we started this podcast, for me, success is making my own bed that’s for me getting up.

And the first thing I do is I make. My own bed. Right? So it’s about redefining what success that would be wonderful for sure for you. Yeah. You know, Kyle, I agree. I think defining success on your own terms is really, really important. Tend to do your best to do that from a place of needs. So checking in with your needs and saying, what is it that I need?

And I think actually the ultimate success is checking in with your needs and then addressing those needs as best as possible having the met. I think that takes people far further than success on someone else’s terms. It’s amazing actually, because early in our lives, we do tend to chase success based off of societal currency.

And I don’t know about you, [00:24:00] Kyle, but I know in my life, when I checked every single one of those boxes, I was miserable. I was miserable. I’m like, There’s nothing here that I love about my life. And then I blew it all up and went, started my own company. And so, so, so I look at that and it’s like, and I think people on the outside look at us and say, oh, those guys are so successful, you know, whatever else.

And I was like, yeah, sure. I think that we are successful. I feel successful too. We’re successful because of how we’ve chosen to define it. It’s not the number going into our bank account. It’s not that. And yes, I know you got to check some boxes, but it’s like, what, what if living within your means was the success rather than making more money?

Like I chose you, you look at our relationship. My relationship with my husband, we share some really important values. We chose a very modest home, a very modest home because we wanted to early pay our mortgage. Right. And we have not done that yet, but, but [00:25:00] to me that’s a success. It’s like, it’s not about having a bigger house in the nicest house and whatever else.

And you know, living in the nicest area is about saying, okay, but I want to own a house. I just don’t want to have to pay for it forever. I don’t want to be mortgage bound and you know, why do I need all of this space and everything else? That’s been honestly, Like, I look at that and I’m like, even just the definition of that makes me feel successful.

I mean, and that leads me to the, the thing too about, uh, if I could pose the second one, which would be about creating an environment that allows for you to be successful once you’ve defined it right. Is creating that environment to allow for it to happen. Um, because it’s one thing to define it, but yet if you’re surrounded by people or situations that’s going to get in your way of it being successful.

Then that doesn’t make sense. You know, I am so fortunate that my mom did not create a environment where she defined all the successes. She didn’t say, well, you have to, this, you have to, this, you have to write it’s [00:26:00] about creating opportunities and saying, Hey, maybe you should explore that. Hey, what about this?

But not feeling restricted that she defined success as this one thing. Right. Um, so that would be, I think the top two. I love that. And I think, I think if people spent more time defining what they actually want their life to look like or aspects of their life to look like and being really pragmatic and reasonable and thinking in shades of gray, taking one little step at a time, I think people will find far more joy in their lives.

Thank you very much folks. We’ll see you next week. It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help. So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share us on your socials you’ve heard from us. Now we want to hear from you go to inspired action, podcasts.ca and tell us what is [00:27:00] the inspired action you took this week?

Next week, on inspired action for imperfect humans, you know, where they saw, um, uh, this, this, um, piece of Singleton single singleism come out. Um, uh, fervently in the last two years was during COVID because there were more exceptions made for people who are working at home with children.

Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans – S4 EP7: “What People Really Want At Work”

Christopher Lawrence — Tue, 15 Feb 2022 18:30:00 +0000

Listen Here

“What People Really Want At Work” Brief Summary:

What is it that you value in the workplace? Do you value team work? Do you value money? Overtime? Work-life balance? In this Inspired Action For Imperfect Humans Podcast episode, hosts Christopher Lawrence and Kyle Kalloo, discuss what is valued in the workplace in 2022, what will be valued post-pandemic, and why it’s important for leaders to adapt to the workers needs.

“Work-life balance is not sustainable anywhere. It’s just physics. It’s not sustainable psychologically or in the workplace”

Summary:

Introduction
Is cash king?
Why a hybrid approach to work is the best
What people really value in the workplace.
Why it’s important for the leader to adapt to the workers need.
Christopher tells a story about a previous job in the oil and gas sector

Calls to Action:

Tell us your “inspired stories” stories by visiting www.InspiredActionPodcast.ca

Christopher Lawrence LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/career-life-coach-christopher-lawrence/

Kyle Kalloo LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kyle-kalloo/

Change My Life Coaching & Change My Business Coaching LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/6446498/admin/

Looking to create a corporate coaching culture? Reach out to Kyle Kalloo: [email protected]

Website: https://strategicleader.ca

“What People Really Want At Work” Transcript:

[00:00:00] Well, we want, we want work life balance and it’s like, people don’t balance is not sustainable anywhere. It’s just physics. So it’s not, it’s not sustainable psychologically or in the workplace, either the thought of being imperfect, keeping you from taking action. Welcome to inspired action for imperfect humans.

Each week, we give you real life stories and thought provoking research that inspires your soul to live a more fulfilled life through your own actions from the heart of Calgary, Canada. Here are your hosts. Award-winning coaches, Christopher Lawrence in Kyle Kalloo. How do you feel? Oh, I’m sorry. This is, I thought I was starting you.

No, like you said, I know you started, so, okay. How are we even friends? Like.

The most caring and thought-provoking and generous. And you’ve been looking for, thank you so much for the compliments. [00:01:00] I wish I could say the same ladies and gentlemen, another news. This is what you have to learn, how to move forward, because if you get stuck in those places, here’s, what’s going to happen to you.

Welcome to the ladies and gentlemen, do we just say y’all are folks, folks, everybody, everybody, all genders. Genders everything. So you’re not left to say ladies and gentlemen anymore. Got it. Called the gentlemen though. So is that my preference in my gentle about you so life to be called gentleman, but there is nothing gentle about it.

Welcome to another exciting week. I really. Uh, topic actually. Um, but listen, if you have not downloaded, shared our podcasts, given us feedback, what are you doing member? The goal is 10,000 download this year. Uh, we’re a few thousands away. However, I really believe you can help us out. So, [00:02:00] uh, if you haven’t done, so make sure you given like or comment.

And that’s the other thing too. Apparently that’s the currency on these types of podcasts is people have to comment on it. Give a rating review and all that other stuff. So if you feel it’s a five-star rating, definitely do that. Whatever device you’re using. Definitely do that. If it’s not a five-star rating, why are you listening?

What are you doing here? Right. We want to hear it. I know, it’d be interesting to hear some of your comments as well as then. We can, we can comment on those comments. No. Okay. Interesting. Last week, did we not get quite a few comments on that? Like last week alone, random people all over, even a two, I think, or you got two clients.

I know I got one where, um, they said I’ve been listening to your podcast for a while, and that was what took me to decide to work with you. One-to-one because that’s going to listen to the podcast for a year and a half, and then finally decided to reach out. Okay. Interesting. Yeah, that’s [00:03:00]really cool. Yeah.

That says something about their values too. Right? Just what it is, the information that they’re getting and all this other stuff, which brings us to today’s subject is more round. What is it that you value in the workplace? Well, I, you know what, it’s interesting actually, because. And we’re, we’re headed into an interesting time, right?

There’s labor shortages, that will continue for a very long time.

So, so there’s labor shortages. That’s going to continue for a very long time. Um, it’s what they expect here in Canada. And certainly governments and stuff will do things to fix, but gearing those, like once stuff like that happens, it takes a long time to gear it up to, to have resolution. So they’re looking at about 10 years of rolling labor shortages in various sectors.

Yeah, 10 years score. We only have nine and a half left, so here’s the thing. There’s so much focus on the dollar amount. And I think that that actually we’re dealing because we are kind of in this, in this [00:04:00] COVID merging into post COVID ish, I don’t know, depends on the day in which locale you’re in and you know who your health authority is.

But, um, I think. Learning to value things differently. So, so certainly, you know, dollars are king in a lot of people’s minds, right? They believe that dollars will increase satisfaction, but this is really important because actually called, do you know what the satisfaction timeline is? Uh, after somebody gets an increase, do you know how long they feel satisfied on average after that?

Um, I’m thinking maybe a year, year and a half, try six weeks, six weeks, six weeks an increase on average. So some would be more, some would be less, uh, the satisfaction that you got from that, that enjoyment, the satisfaction, that kind of glow that you had from, from being in the room, getting the raise um, Has gone away.

So, so [00:05:00] it’s interesting. Like I remember being in this place when I was a young person where, where cash was king, right. Where it was just like, you wanted more money, you wanted more money, you wanted more money and you measured everything by your money. And sometimes you would mature into, but what’s the whole benefits package look like.

And, and, uh, do you remember that? Do you have times like that Kyle, like where you were, there was a dollar focus. Yeah, cause there’s a, you know, one in earlier in my career, the reason why that dollar amount was important is because every time you need credit or need to buy something, they kept asking about your salary.

And they’re like, oh, well, if you’re making this money, this amount and up that we could approve that. Really. So I knew in the beginning I was driven by, it had to be a certain number. Right. And then it later on became other things that I valued, you know, um, financial freedom to do, you know, buy things, right.

To take care of other people in my network. Uh, travel. Is where those things came up. Right? So I think you’re bridging into this as like, [00:06:00] what do, what people really value about work. And I think that the definition of that has changed significantly since pandemic. Like there are organizations who are not looking at doing a hybrid approach post pandemic.

A hybrid workforce is the future.

Can I understand for certain roles why that’s important, but there’s lots of rules. Where it’s easy and actually better for an organization to do that. But there’s some old school organizations here. We are in Calgary, Alberta organizations that have been around there. You know, whether it be oil or transportation or, or whatever that are saying, no, we’re not going to do that.

And it’s just like, you will not be able to compete. So, so this is it. This is exactly it. So I wanted to cover some of the things that. That people really value in the workplace. And as we go through this, I want you, the listeners. To be thinking about what you really value. Do you agree with these for yourself?

Do you not agree with these for yourself? It’s just a checklist [00:07:00] and, and, and there will be things that we don’t cover on here, but I want you to think about this because this is what your ask needs to be. And employers are going to have to learn to take an individualized approach. I’m sorry. This whole approach of like, well, we want w we want work-life balance and it’s like, people don’t balance.

Is not sustainable anywhere it’s just physics. So it’s not, it’s not sustainable psychologically or in the workplace either. I don’t believe in work-life balance. I believe in work-life flow. It sounds like Symantec, but they’re very different. Work-life flow is that sometimes work is going to get more and sometimes life’s going to get more, although work seems to get more doesn’t it.

And for a lot of people and it’s like, okay, so where does it balance out? Um, some people really value overtime. Some people don’t, it’s not even worth it to them. So. I don’t value over time, even if I was being paid time and a half or double time, it’s not important to me. So, so we’re going to go through this and I want folks to be thinking about what they value and Kyle, I encourage you to [00:08:00] chime in, if you have something intelligent to say, so you might hear from Kyle on the next podcast.

Uh, I was, uh, folks, you know, I know people noticed enough to pick up on that. Like, those are subtle things that I would do, and I know they know enough now to say, Yeah.

Oh, I’d like to say, sorry, but that would be a lie. Um,

so, so here’s, here’s some of what people actually value in the workplace. So certainly post pandemic people are valuing a hybrid approach. People want an opportunity to work in the office and work from home. Right. They want to work in the workplace and they want to work from home. And you haven’t seen some postings that’s like that now.

I’m not sure, totally remote remote work. And it even uses the word hybrid. And some of them have said, listen, you’ll always have an office. Well, whenever you want to [00:09:00] come in. Totally. Yeah, totally. So people want to enjoy a good work environment. So of course this means that it’s not a contentious environment.

A hybrid workforce will work from office and home.

I think a lot of leaders don’t recognize, um, and this would be more senior leaders, uh, executive level. They don’t recognize when they’re, when they have a toxic working environment. It’s amazing to me. To hear how surprised there, which also tells me that they’re not having the conversations and they’re not encouraging those conversations.

People also value hearing from their boss in a good working environment. They need their boss to own their mistakes, to apologize when they make mistakes, they need their employees to apologize when mistakes are made and mistakes need to be non-punitive. But educational, what do you mean by non-punitive?

I mean, I know what you mean, but. For everyone else listening. What do you think what happened? Because they worked so closely with you. I don’t have good examples of it because constantly punitive to you. Um, so maybe [00:10:00] you could define it for the fun, you know, when people usually when there’s a situation that.

I’m going to admit something to it, right. To say, listen, I forgot to do this. And you know, there’s a situation that happened that, um, you know, as I think about it was punitive. So, you know, there’s something as we’re transitioning to different pieces. Cause right now with everything’s happening, there are days that we have a hybrid approach.

So people have to work from home when people come and work in the office. Right. However, there was a situation where I said, you sound like Sarah Palen, you just set up. The stuff that doesn’t even make sense. Can you start that over? Hold on, let me get there be patient. Um, so what happened this morning is I said to someone on our team, you know what?

And they said, Hey, I didn’t get this thing set up. And I’m like, oh man, this is why I asked you two weeks ago to get this thing set up so that we don’t have to be in the situation that was punitive. Right because now the person, when they admit that they didn’t do it, I made it punitive by saying, see, this is why I talked to you about it.

It feels guilty. I’m making them feel guilty. Right. And [00:11:00] just an apology on the tip of your child. Totally. And I will be doing that as soon as we finish this today. Right. And so that was punitive instead of saying. For whatever reason you didn’t get to it. We’re getting to it now. So let’s solve it right now, right?

Leaders need to own up to their mistakes.

That is be non-punitive right. We’re not saying, you know, this is what I mean. I was just frustrated in that moment, but instead of thinking it through, or just taking a moment, because I felt the frustration instead of taking that moment. I made a period by saying, this is why we talked about getting this set up.

Right. So when people admit their mistakes or meant something to you that, you know, we could go office as well. You know, if this should have coulda, woulda, that’s not the moment that matter. Right. It doesn’t matter in that moment. You’re dealing with it. If they’d come back to it, that’s different. It would be better deal with it in the moment, get this situation resolved and then have a reflection.

How obviously you have prevented this. Exactly. Could we do to prevent this in the future? Because in that moment they may not be feeling that good about it. They may feel a way [00:12:00] about admitting it to you. You know, it’s, it’s hard for people to admit their mistakes, Christopher Lawrence, right? So there’s times where I was first on the lips to admit actually that’s true, but I just needed a jab in.

Oh, I’d like to get this guy to acknowledge that it, that something was a mistake. It’s like, it’s like pulling teeth and I’m not even a dentist, but girl, try not true. Anyway. So I think that’s what we’re saying. When you hear about non-punitive, that’s what we’re saying is don’t make it punitive. Don’t make it that they feel already bad about it.

Just move through it, because then that way you’re letting them know that it’s okay to actually say those things, right. That that is still a safe space. So I just wanted that. Clarity when we talk about non-punitive. So as you’re kind of leading into this, Kyle, actually some of, some of the other things that come up on this list of, of what people value is to be taken into an account as an employee.

And this is, this is so important, like these broad brush stroke pro [00:13:00] programs of like employee retention. If you want to, if you want to increase employee retention, you need to talk to the employee and ask them, what is it going to, what is it going to. You know, what’s it gonna take to keep you here? What, you’re a good person, right?

This is also known as like emotional salary or social benefits of, of the thing that might my problem with this is that they, you know, and, and this is where big organizations need to take a page. There was an organization. I think it was the people that make, um, was it Teflon or tiebacks or something like this, that for a while.

And I don’t know if they still do this, no office, no factory was allowed to have more than 250 employees. Once that happened. They had to split if they grew that big. So they allowed each, each organization to be on a first name basis and they were allowed to adapt their policies and cultures. The way that that particular unit wanted to that is a much better approach to take because each one will have its own social culture.

When you [00:14:00] are, when you are thousands of employees. Even if you go survey your employees, they’re going to try and broad brush stroke and they know not all organizations can do this. I know that, right. Like if you’re, you know, airline, as an example, if you have 5,000 flight attendants, it’s going to be really hard to, you know, you can’t break into smaller chunks, really.

Tough conversations need to happen.

Like, I just don’t see how that model would work. But the point I’m making is that when you, it starts to get watered down and it’s like, well, this is what our employees want. And it’s like talk to anybody in a union. And that’s how you want some of what we’ve got. I’ve liked. And a lot of what we’ve got, I don’t, and, and of course, it’s it’s to the agenda of the person who’s been elected as the union leaders.

Right. I th I think when and where we can, we actually need to kind of say, what is it for this employee? That’s going to make it work. Some people are like unlimited vacation. And I was like, yeah, I want that. And I think the majority of people would say that, but when you understand the unlimited vacation usually means the employee, the employer benefits, you get more from an employee [00:15:00] on unlimited vacation than the employee.

Because they end up working on vacation. They don’t always take their time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The whole bit. Some people are good with that. Right? Like, I’m good with that. It’s like, because I know how to manage it, but there are some people who are totally lost in that. Right. They’re like, no, tell me it’s nine to five and three weeks vacation.

Right? Right. And so you have to kind of look at the employee side. This is the importance of having that kind of middle leadership really well-trained and giving them the opportunity and authority to develop their leadership skills and actually work on their teams and with their teams, not task saturated, where it’s just like shit rolls downhill.

And they’re the one that. The brunt of it. So people want to be taken into account as an employee and they want the employer to have the ability to adapt to the workers needs girl. I don’t know how many people I’ve talked to that feel guilty taking a sick day. Absolutely. And before you say, or a pill and the rest of it, cause he talks about [00:16:00] me so appealing, but easy to keep going.

Right. Because there’s so much we want to talk back here. Uh, I just want to go back to a little bit of what you said about the engagement and taking them to account leaders and others. You need to know that these things change. Right. So just because I told you two years ago, That money was important to me doesn’t mean money’s important to me today, right?

So we still need to, that’s why it’s a constant thing is going back and forth. And just being able to being able to say, this is what needs to happen. So take, take into account that these things change, why the conversation needs to be ongoing. Let me tell you why he’s laughing. Okay. Cause he always grills me.

Here’s the thing I’m responsible for setting up the podcast. I’m responsible for the timer, I’m responsible for everything. And then, and then when I, when I’m talking, like he could give me the grace of walking me through, you know, of telling me how much time we ever, whatever. And he, on these podcasts, he always, I always kind of give this wrap.

Signal cause we need to move to the end of the [00:17:00] podcast. So this time I gave him a five minute signal because I had the opportunity to look at the timer because it wasn’t my turn to talk. And this bitch turns around and fucking starts laughing at me because I gave him a five minutes ago. So girl, I’ll tell you what you are now responsible for watching the timer moving from

When I’m talking, why can’t you look at the time when he’s talking? That’s why I’m laughing because he’s always watching the time when I’m talking, but when he Sarah Palin it, uh, he likes to look at the top. Hey, you brought up her name anyway. It’s cause I started clipping for this morning on, about being a feminist.

You’re not a FA like, like you are not, you don’t support abortion rights. You’re not a feminist. What? Like you, can’t what, that’s another show, that’s another show, you know, and it’s not, if it doesn’t belong in this podcast, but anyway, she was rambling on like, it’s like word salad, girl. Just kind of throw everything in and okay.

Leaders need to adapt to workers needs.

So, so of [00:18:00] course people, we want our leaders, uh, to adapt to the worker’s needs. We want the organization. To adapt to the worker’s needs. It’s kind of building off what Kyle said sometimes. You know? So sometimes it’s like, look like I didn’t have kids a year and a half ago. I have kids now. Right. That, that, that is now a lifestyle change.

I need you to adapt to me. Okay. Uh, also you look at like mental health changes in people in the last two years than certainly it existed before, but this has brought it to the limelight. I, I feel like it’s like, look two years ago. I wasn’t working from home by myself. I’m struggling with fear about getting sick and dying, you know, and, and now I am, so I need, I need some grace.

Right. So, so I think it’s important. That organizations understand this, um, flexibility in time. People want to have more say over when they’re working. I do think that if you look at the research, that’s coming out about a four day workweek, most organizations, if possible, should adopt a four [00:19:00] day work week as a full-time standard, as opposed to three days.

And if you actually look at what productivity is, I actually think that we should shorten the Workday too. I think we shouldn’t be between. Six to eight hours, not this like eight hours, but you get a one hour lunch. So it ends up being a nine hour day anyway. Yeah. Do you know actually what the research says about how productive, the amount of the, how long someone in a typical days productive in an eight hour shift?

Probably five and a half hours by. Two hours and 53 minutes, girl, these people are not entrepreneurs. Isn’t that crazy? Like almost three hours. And so when you’re doing an eight hour or 12 hour or 16 hour, what do you really get? Right. Totally, totally agreed. Of course there is a salary thing. People do want benefits and they do want a good salary, but I think what’s defined as a good salary, uh, is, is subject to definition.

I think exactly. I think it’s actually, you know, like if I [00:20:00] look at it, here’s what I would do if I was an organization and this is totally biased, I would hire several coaches. So if I couldn’t actually pay a whole bunch more to my employees, I would actually have. Coaches to help them learn to live with what they have and still a T and still achieve their goals.

So you want to buy a house if we pay you more, how do we get you there? Because there are people on your salary who do own a house, right? So w or whatever it might be, of course we want good leadership. So that’s giving our leaders the opportunity to really become good leaders. Um, People want to work towards something meaningful.

Workers are only productive for two hours and 53 minutes a day.

They want to have a goal they want to have, um, they wanna know that they’re contributing to something that matters. I’m sorry, I I’m going to blast one of the previous organizations. I hate name dropping budding in a name drop because I’m trying to help them out. Uh, just, just on this podcast, they have nothing.

They are not affiliated with us in any way. When I worked at TransCanada. Uh, which has no TC energy. They had a C, they had a, um, their [00:21:00] KPAs, KPIs, and, um, and corporate vision and mission. And I could not even understand the KPIs. What does this mean? And how do I help the company make money? Where do I make a difference here?

Right. And, and it was so interesting. So, so HR at some point decides to roll out this corporate scorecard where, where we can pin it up on our board and we’ll. We’ll get an updated report card every quarter. Um, as part of our KPIs that we can talk away and see how we’re doing as an organization. This was their attempt at getting people to connect better with the organizations, um, KPIs, you know what the issue is, unless you were an engineer, you couldn’t understand the KPIs unless you were in their business development.

You couldn’t understand the KPIs. I was in their PMO, right. I was in their project management office and it was like, I don’t even know what this means. Like I don’t, I don’t understand. So I go and ask my leader. I said, [00:22:00] how do I help the company? And how do I help the company make money? And she said, I don’t know.

And, and she is a smart woman, like she’s a smart woman and she couldn’t answer the question. She said, go ask this person. So I go ask this person and I got the longest diatribe of something else. I didn’t understand. It was, it was like crazy. It’s like, you have to be walked out, more confused. That’s it. So, and I think, you know, companies have values and I think values are important for companies to have, but the truth is, is that there’s no accountability held to those values in most organizations.

What People Really Want At Work.

What people really want is to know what their values are and, and making sure that they can execute on their values within the role that they have or in the organization. So I think, I think Kyle this should give people a lot to think about. Folks your, I want your imperfect inspired action to be this.

I want you to understand what you value about the workplace. And don’t give me some bullshit, diatribe of like hard worker work [00:23:00] ethic. That doesn’t mean anything. Define what that means for you. Define what it means for you. What I talk when I look at my dad who had incredible work ethic, who gave so much to his come to, to the organization he worked for and.

I had months and months of overtime and vacation and sick time built up because it was a unionized environment that he was never able to take before retirement. They, they chewed him up and spit him out. And that was baby boomer work ethic. He did what was required by the organization because it was the right thing to do period, conversation over.

But the organization did not end up valuing it in the end. They took advantage of it. So I think you need to get real clear and I’m not saying old school work ethic is dead. What I mean. We need to get real clear on what those values are for you kind of find me if you don’t know, you’re not going to be able to ask him.

You said that another podcast, right? You gotta be really clear for the ask and because listen, the leader’s not sitting there thinking it [00:24:00] all out for yourself. Now we will be doing another. Podcasts on the great resignation, because I think this is going to play into some of those things. I, we have some interesting stats that we want to share with you around.

Here’s why people are walking out, right. Here’s why people, why they’re not, they’re leaving your industry. Come back and definitely listen to that, uh, and share that with other people we’ll talk to you next week. Take care everybody. It’s our goal to build a global community of inspired action takers, and we can only do that with your help.

So if you love inspired action, please leave a review on your favorite podcasting app and share us on your socials you’ve heard from us. Now we want to hear from you go to inspiredactionpodcast.ca and tell us what is the inspired action you took this week, next week on inspired action for imperfect humans, you can do all sorts of things.

And there is no guarantee of success and people should know that first and foremost, [00:25:00] like do not think because you manifest it because you pray because you work hard, hard work doesn’t even necessarily lead to success.